Out of heart, out of mind
by Lolita16
Summary: Bella wakes up from a coma and finds out that everything that happened in the twilight series was not real. It was all a dream. Bella can't let go of her 'past' and decides to move to forks, so she can be close to her memories of the cullens Slightly OOC
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone. This is a fic that I have been writing for a long time, or at least I wanted to write. It started in my French class, and I just kept writing it instead of listening to the teacher. I've had this idea for a long time, but I hadn't started writing it until a few months ago. The girl next to me in French kept telling me to write more so she could read it, and so I decided today that I was going to put it on fanfiction so here it is. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Disclaim: I do like soooooo NOT own Twilight that it's starting to get pathetic.  
I mean, why can't I just have it? It's not like I'm going to harass Edward, or Jasper, or Emmet or even Carlisle…..  
5 min later: Ok Ok, maybe I am, a little. Ok more than a little. Ok A LOT. So what?! They're just too perfect for their own good. It's not like that's my fault. It's Stephenie Meyer's fault. Yes that's right Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, so it's her fault that the Cullens are PERFECT. UGH!!! **

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………**.**

**Title:** Out of heart, out of mind.  
It's based on the proverb; out of sight, out of mind. Which, as you may know, is used when you want to say that when something is not nearby it is forgotten. This title means that someone is not in your heart (you don't love that person) and not in your mind (you don't know that person).

**Summary:  
**If I stopped looking for him, it was over. Love, life, meaning… over.

Remember those words? Remember the pain? The loss? Bella thought that Edward leaving her in the meadow was the most painful thing that had ever happened to her, that could happen to her. Well she just found out that it was not. There was something that was even worse than Edward leaving her because he didn't love her. Because when she opened her eyes for the first time, lying in the hospital, her whole world collapsed around her. Now love, life and meaning was truly over, because not only did she loose Edward and her family. This time she also lost something she had fought very hard for, her little girl, her Renesmee.

Bella wakes up in a hospital, after breaking dawn, to find that everything she thought was real, did in fact not exist. None of it really happened. Moving to Forks, meeting Edward and the Cullens, the werewolves, Renesmee. All of it was fake. Just a dream. She had an accident when she was 14 years old and had been in a coma for the past two years. Bella can't let go of her 'past' and decides to move to Forks, the little town where she had once felt at home. Forks. What Bella will find in Forks is beyond any of her expectations.

* * *

**Chapter 1: Awakening**

'Bella honey, can you hear me?' I heard someone say.

Bella? Who's Bella? Where am I? What's going on. Why is it so dark?

'Please, please wake up' the person continued. I could hear from her voice, that it was a woman. 'We're all waiting for you. We miss you, Bella' her voice broke at the end.

Bella. That's right. I'm Bella. But why couldn't I see anything? I was aware that something was holding my hand. Something fell on my hand. It felt like a drop of water. Was she crying? Why. And why am I here?

I had a lot of questions, so I tried to speak up, but I couldn't. I could feel my body and everything that was touching me, but I couldn't do anything with it. I couldn't as much as open my mouth. So I concentrated on other things, like what was probably happening. Surely I should remember why I was in this position.

My name is Bella. I am… 18…I think. What is my last name? Suddenly I remembered a word. Cullen? Yes, that's right. I'm Bella Cullen.

As soon as I thought this, I suddenly got all kinds of flashes. They were images, of what appeared to be my live.

_Flashbacks_

_"You don't have to do this."  
"I want to go," I lied_

_  
It was there, sitting in the lunchroom, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw them._

_I'd noticed that his eyes were black – coal black_

_Today, his eyes were a completely different color: a strange ocher, darker than butterscotch, but with the same golden tone._

_Edward Cullen was standing four cars down from me, staring at me in horror. His face stood out from a sea of faces, all frozen in the same mask of shock.  
Just before I heard the shattering crunch of the van folding around the truck bed, something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting._

_"__Trust me.__"_

_That was the first night I dreamed of Edward Cullen._

_"__It's better if we're not friends. Trust me.__"_

_"__I'm trying to figure out what you are.__"_

_"__What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?__"_

_"__Do you like scary stories?__"_

_"__Distract me, please.__"_

_"__Do I dazzle __you__?__"_

_"__I feel very safe with you.__"_

_"__I decided it didn't matter.__"__  
__"__It doesn't matter to me what you are.__"__  
__"__You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not __human__?__"_

_"__How old are you?__"__  
__"__Seventeen__"__  
__"__And how long have you been seventeen?__"_

_"__It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella — please, grasp that__"__  
__"__I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late__"_

_"__Did I frighten you?__"_

_"__Be safe__"_

_"__I promise… I __swear__ not to hurt you__"__  
__**(A/N the flashbacks just go on like that through all the things that happened in Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking dawn.)**_

__

...

And then one of the last things I could remember

* * *

_"__Forever and forever and forever," he murmured._

_"That sounds exactly right to me."_

* * *

'Bella, you can do this' the voice went on and suddenly I recognized who it was.

_Renee?_ I thought. _What am I doing here? What's happening._

'I know you Bella, you're a strong girl. Please just open your eyes' I could hear her sobbing next to me.

I wanted to help her, I really did, but I couldn't. Where's Edward?

'Edward?' I heard someone whisper. The voice was very husky. It took me a minute to recognize it as my voice.

Renee shrieked. 'Charlie! Charlie, come quick, she said something' she cried out. The next I heard someone running into the room, probably wondering what was happening.

My guess was confirmed when the person said, 'Renee, what happened?!'

_Charlie?_

'She just said something. I swear I heard her say something'

'Bells, can you hear me?' Dad asked me urgently 'If you can then please come back to us. We're all waiting for you.

_Edward? Nessie?_

'Renesmee?' I tried to say, and I knew that I had done it when Renee cried out in joy.

'Yes that's it honey, you can do this'

No I can't. it's too hard and my head hurts so much. I can't do it, I can't open my eyes.

_NO! Renesmee_, I thought, _My baby-girl needs me. I have to be there for her, she's probably really scared._

_No, Edward is looking after her. He'll keep her save and happy. _

_But she'll need her mother!  
_  
I knew I had to at least try. I had to take care of my little girl.

I started concentrating on something small, like moving my fingers. It was really hard to do it, but after a few tries and a lot of effort I did it. Ok it wasn't much, it just moved a little, but I knew that I could do it, if I just tried hard enough.

'Yes, she moved her fingers.' Renee said 'Maybe we should call him Charlie. I'm sure Dr. Cullen will like to come over from Forks. He-'

She suddenly stopped talking, because my eyes had instantly snapped open when I heard the name Cullen.

'Dad' I whispered, 'Where's Nessie?'

Charlie and Renee were looking at me, shocked. Charlie grabbed my hand.

'Yes honey, I'm here' He clearly thought I had meant him. Of course he's my dad too, but I was talking about my other father. It didn't matter who he was if he could just tell me where Renesmee was.

'Where's Nessie?' I asked him 'And Edw…' I trailed off, because I could clearly see the confusion written on their faces.

'Honey, who's Nessie?' My mother asked concerned.

I was looking at her, trying to see if she was making a joke. A very cruel joke.

'Ha ha, very funny' I told her, actually not fining anything funny about it at all, and looked over to Charlie 'No really, where is she? I really want to see her.'

'Ok honey. I'll try to contact her' relieve flooded over me. Thank god, they were kidding.

'Is she one of your friends?' He asked me 'Do you know her phone number?'

Now I was really staring at them as if they were aliens.

'What do you mean one of my friends?' I was now starting to panic 'How can you not remember - ' I suddenly stopped what I was going to say. Something really strange was going on. How come Charlie doesn't remember Nessie? He used to love her. Something was wrong, really wrong.

I looked around. Only now I noticed where I was. I was lying in a white room, the hospital. But why am I in an hospital.

I tried to sit up, but something was taped across my face and all kind of wires were attached to me. One of the wired was coming from a machine next to me. I recognized it immediately andit would be save to say that it scared the hell out of me.

Now I was certain that something weird was going on, because the machine that was attached to my body, was a heart monitor. I could hear it beeping very clearly, indicating that my heart was beating.

How is that possible? I thought, now really panicking. That can't be. I'm a vampire, my heart doesn't beat, at least it's not supposed to beat. My breathing increased, and I was sure I would start hyperventilating any minute.

Charlie panicked and called the doctor, while Renee was trying to calm me down.

'Shhhh, it's ok.' She kept saying, while stroking my cheek 'Everything will be ok'

I really would like to say that it helped, but of course it didn't.

No it's not! Everything is not going to be ok! Everything is going to be everything but ok! I wanted to yell at her, but instead I started taking long deep breaths so I could calm down and think this through. I had to fix this, because not only was my heart beating, but my parents also didn't know who Edward and Renesmee were.

I calmed down completely after a while. I kept lying there on the hospital bed, without saying anything. I didn't have the strength. Renee was sitting next to me and was talking to me, but I didn't hear a word she said.

It was getting really late, so she said goodbye to me and told me she would go home and make arrangements so I could go back home as soon as I was allowed to leave the hospital. She kissed my forehead and told me to sleep a bit so I could get some rest.

It was very quiet if the room when she left, but I had to say that I was relieved when she left. I was thankful for the silence, because the only people I wanted to see right now weren't here.

I tried to think of ways to fix this, but deep down inside I knew it was over. I had lost them, this time probably forever.

Why did I have to wake up, why didn't I just die? That was the last thought I had before I fell asleep. I was dreaming that I was in a dark room, I couldn't see anything or hear anything.

Silence. And I knew that the room was empty, just like my heart.

* * *

**I hope you liked it. **

**You can review me and let me know what you think of it. **


	2. Chapter 2 Dreams

**Hi guys Here is chapter 2**

**Disclaim: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn or any of the characters. I do however own this storyline. You may read other stories that have a similar storyline, but that doesn't mean that you already know what is going to happen in this story.**

**I also want to add that Bella is going to read the twilight saga. I'm telling you this so people aren't disappointed when she is going to read them because they didn't know. I'll tell you all when she is going to read them, because it's not going to happen in the coming chapter. Enjoy **

* * *

**Chapter 2: Dreams**

_I tried to think of ways to fix this, but deep down inside I knew it was over. I had lost them, this time probably forever._

_Why did I have to wake up, why didn't I just die? That was the last thought I had before I fell asleep. I was dreaming that I was in a dark room, I couldn't see anything or hear anything._

_Silence. And I knew that the room was empty, just like my heart._

* * *

I lying in the hospital bed waiting for the doctor. Renee, Phil and Charlie had visited me earlier today to see if there was anything I needed. I thanked them both, but made sure to look very pleased with my situation. I'd had practice before, so I knew what to do to look happy. It was all a charade of course, but they seemed to buy it.

My acting skills had obviously improved or else they wouldn't have believed a word I said, because I was lying the whole time.

Every time Renee asked me if I was ok, I smiled, lied. 'Yes, I'm fine'

Every time Phil asked me if I was excited to go home again, I once again smiled and lied. 'Yes, very'

And on it went, so I mostly smiled and lied a lot.

I could see that they weren't happy about my responses, because I would only say something if they asked me and give very simple and short answers. What did they expect? Of course they didn't know why I was feeling so…empty…, but wasn't the fact that I just woke up from a coma enough reason not to be happy?

But no, they expected me to be all peachy.

Renee was worried about the fact that I zoned out a lot. So I gave her an answer that was as close to the truth as I could when she asked me about it. 'I was just thinking. There is so much going on in my head right now'

She would smile at me and tell me to take my time. I would get used to things very soon.

I wanted to tell her that I was probably not going to get used to any of it, but then again, there was no need for her to worry about me.

'Well, miss Swan. It is nice to see you awake.' I heard someone say. I looked towards the door, where a man was standing. He had a pen in one hand and something that looked like my charts in his other. He was not tall and had a lot of gray in his hair. He looked like he was probably around 50 years old.

He walked towards me with an outstretched hand.

'I'm Dr Handson' He told me when I shook his hand. 'I was hoping I could talk to you about the past year. As you are aware you have been in a coma, because of an accident you had with a truck. Do you remember that?'

He took a chair that was standing in a corner and sat next to my bed.

'Yes I do. But I remember it a little bit different than what my mother told me had happened.'

'What do you remember?'

I cleared my throat. 'Uhm, I remember the accident and being brought to the hospital. I remember passing out. And when I opened my eyes I was in a hospital bed and my mom told me that I'd had an accident, but that I wasn't seriously injured. That I had been lucky. I only had a few bruises, a broken arm and a slight concussion. I was allowed to leave the hospital the next day.'

Dr Handson kept nodding and writing down what I had said, not once interrupting me.

'You were right about passing out, but the thing is that you never woke up. You had some brain damage and sever broken bones. And I haven't even started about the internal bleedings. You were very lucky that you even survived. But your body and brain couldn't handle the injuries and you fell into a coma.' He looked at me very seriously, as if he wanted to make it clear how serious the situation had been.

Huh, like I don't know that already.

'Were you aware of you surroundings? In a lot of cases the patients hear it when others talked to them.'

'N-no. I was not aware of other people who were talking to me. I was not aware that I was here. I was not even aware that I was in a coma.'

He nodded 'yes, that can happen. Do you remember anything from when you were in a coma? Do you have any memories after the hospital? Because you just said that you remember being allowed to go home. What happened after that?'

I didn't say anything for a while, because I was thinking about what to say. I was not going to tell him that I had moved to Forks and fell in love with a vampire. If I said that I could just as well ask him the phone number of the best shrink in town, or a mental institution.

'I just went on with my life. I decided to move to Forks with my dad. I went to school there, met new people, I don't know just normal stuff. As if nothing had happened.'

He looked thoughtful for a moment and wrote down my words.

'Yes, I understand. It is possible that your brain did not progress what was happening, and put you into a dreamlike state. You went on with your life and you even made up new people.'

'There is one thing I don't understand thought sir. In my dream there was a man, a doctor actually, whose name was Dr-wince- Cullen. But I didn't know him before the accident.'

'Ah, of course.' He said, smiling. 'Well, you see, even though you have never met him and don't remember ever hearing his name before, doesn't mean that your brain doesn't. When you were in a coma you could still hear others around you, even though you don't remember. But it is possible that you mother or father was talking about Dr Cullen and you heard that name and used it, without being aware of this. Actually Dr Cullen was the one who was in charge of you, but he had left to Forks and was going to fly back here next week, but now that you are awake he decided it would be best if he handed your case over to me. I hope that's ok with you' He added at the end.

'Uhm…' My voice shook 'Yes sure.'

'Well, you seem a little tired, so I'll let you sleep for a while' He said one last time before he left me alone.

It hurt every time I heard the name Cullen. At first I had hoped that maybe it wasn't all a dream. Maybe he did exist. How else could I have known Carlisle's name.

You can imagine how hard it was to hear the truth now.

Now I had lost all hope. All hope of living, because I knew I wouldn't be able to live in a world that didn't have him in it.

* * *

"You can't make me go somewhere you won't be," I vowed. "That's my definition of hell.

* * *

I could still clearly remember those words. I said that to him after he made me promise I would marry him. It was when we had made our deal. I would marry him and he would try to give me a real honeymoon as a human. I remember him telling me that he was only going to sleep with me after we were married, because he was worried about my soul. He had wanted me to have the chance to go to heaven and I had told him I didn't want heaven without him.

Now I was somewhere without him, and it was just as I had told him. It was hell.

How could he leave me?

Of course this wasn't a fair thing to ask. I know that this wasn't the same as him leaving me after the incident on my birthday. This wasn't his fault. This time it was life itself that took him away from me.

I was pulled out of my heaven and put into this miserable life, where they made it clear to me that he wasn't real. So maybe he wasn't, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

How am I supposed to live with this pain? Am I supposed to live my life is such misery?

Once again I wished I hadn't woken up from this coma. I wished I had just died, because I know now that this life doesn't hold anything for me. I didn't have my reason for live anymore, and that knowledge was tearing me apart from inside.

I blinked a few times to stop me from crying.

_No Bella. This is not the time to fall apart. Think about Renee and Charlie. Act as if your happy. There will be plenty enough time to fall apart when you're out of here, and somewhere where no one can see you._

Now letting them know I was in pain was the least I could do to them. They had been in pain for almost a year. Hoping…praying…waiting…for me to wake up. I couldn't do this to them. Not after everything they've been through.

So I put my feelings aside and concentrated on theirs. I closed my eyes slowly, preparing myself for possible nightmares.

_When I opened my eyes a little bit later, I was still lying on the hospital bed, but something was different. The room was a lot lighter now, because the sun was shining, but that was not what I meant. _

_I couldn't guess what was different, when the door opened and someone walked it. It seemed like time stopped, when I saw the bronze hair. I didn't know what to do, it was as if I had turned into stone. _

_I stared into his beautiful golden eyes and knew I was home. Then my body seemed to catch up with my brain, because I flung myself out of bed towards the god like creature in front of me. _

_I gasped when I came into contact with his body. He was real. This wasn't a dream. _

'_Edward!' I gasped. 'I knew it. I knew you would never leave me.' I cried out. _

'_Shhh, I'm here.' He murmured. 'You're ok now.' _

_That's when I started sobbing and I buried my face in his chest._

'_I missed you so much. I thought I lost you.' _

_He pulled away from me and put his hand on my cheek, whipping away the tears. _

'_Oh, my beautiful Bella. You'll never lose me.' He smiled my favorite smile and pointed towards the door. _

'_There's someone here to see you' He said. _

'_Mommie?' I heard a beautiful voice say. _

_My head snapped towards the door, only to see my baby girl standing in the doorway. _

_As soon as I saw her I let out a happy laugh and she ran over to me, right into my arms. I picked her up and kissed every inch of skin I could see. Her cheek, her forehead, fingers, hands, neck, eyes, nose. I hugged her to me as she let out a giggle. I couldn't believe I had my angel in my hands. It was as if I had just found her after 20 years. _

'_Oh, my little baby. My Nessie' She looked just the same as I had left her, which in her case was strange since she grew so fast. _

'_I love you so much.' I looked at Edward who was looking at us lovingly. He walked over to us and wrapped his arms around us, keeping us save. _

_I put my head on his shoulder and signed happily. I had my two angels with me. The only thing better than that would be to have not only my angels, but also my family with us._

_After a while I looked up at Edward 'I'll never let you go again' _

_Edward signed sadly and looked me in the eye 'You have to Bella.' _

'_What? No!' I started panicking again. 'No, you can't leave me again. I can't life without you. Please.' I begged him. _

'_I'll never leave you, we'll never leave you. Even when you can't see us or touch us, we'll never leave you.' He took Nessie out of my hands and put his hand on my chest where my heart was. _

'_We'll always be with you. Just close your eyes and think of me, and when you open them again I'll be there.' _

'_Promise?' I asked. _

_He smiled 'I promise. I promise I'll never leave you alone.' _

_Then he took one step backwards. _

'_Wait! No!' I reached for him, but my hand just went threw him. I couldn't touch him. _

'_No! Please' I cried out, but it was already too late. He finished with Renesmee in his hands. _

'No!' I cried out, sitting up in bed. I noticed I was still in bed, but the room was a lot darker than a few minutes ago. Then I realized it had been a dream. I had been _dreaming_. It hadn't been real.

I quickly wiped away my tears and took deep slow breaths.

I had seen them. It didn't matter that it was a dream. I had still seen them. It had seemed to so real and I had been able to hold my baby!

I looked down at my hands and it hit me. Painfully hard. I was once again overwhelmed with loss.

Oh what I wouldn't do to have her in my arms again. I would do anything for that.

I was startled out of my thought by Renee.

'Hi sweetheart' She hugged me tightly 'did you sleep well?' she asked me.

'Uhm, yes' I looked down trying to avoid her eyes. She didn't seem to notice, because she went on talking.

'I just talked to the doctor. He said he was going to do some tests and if everything is ok you're allowed to leave tomorrow.' I looked up to see her beaming at me. 'Isn't that great, honey?' she exclaimed.

I put up a fake smile 'Yes mom, it is.' I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. It seemed to work, because she smiled back at me.

'Oh, I'm so glad. I've already arranged everything so you can move back home as soon as you're allowed to leave. But I still have to call your school, so you can go back as soon as you're ready.'

She kept going on like that for some time and I could clearly see that she was excited about this, but I decided to do what was best of everyone.

I took a deep breath and said the one thing that would make her and Charlie happy. I wished I could say it would make _me_ happy too, but it was merely something that I wanted to do. Something I _needed_ to do.

'Mom, I think it's best if I move in with Cha- dad'

* * *

**I hope you liked it.**

**You can review me and let me know what you think of it.**


	3. Chapter 3 Confessions and the Truth I

**Hi guys Here is chapter 3**

**Disclaim: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn or any of the characters. I do however own this storyline. **

**Enjoy **

* * *

**Chapter 3: Reunion**

_I took a deep breath and said the one thing that would make her and Charlie happy. I wished I could say it would make me happy too, but it was merely something that I wanted to do. Something I needed to do. _

_'Mom, I think it's best if I move in with Cha- dad'_

* * *

'Well, this is your room. I hope you like it' Charlie shifted awkwardly in his place. I could see that he didn't know what to say, so I decided to put him out of his misery.

'Yes I like it thanks. I'll be down in a few hours, I want to unpack.' He took the hint and gladly got out of my room.

I looked around the room. Everything is just like I remembered it, except for a few little things I had changed in the past year- I mean I had changed in my dream. Obviously those changes were back to their original form. I remember the first time I saw my room two years ago. Well, in my "dream"-wince- of course.

I recognized the wooden floor, the yellow curtains, my desk with a old computer on it and the light blue walls. The old rocking chair was still standing in the corner of my room. The chair that Edward used to sit on a few times when he stayed the night. The first time he had been staying the night – well the first time I had been aware of the fact- I'd woken up to see him sitting it that exact same chair.

My eyes filled with tears and the pain in my chest became once again unbearable.

As weird as it sounds these moments were the best I had, because at least now I knew I could feel. There were times that I just felt nothing. As if I were empty. Edward had always been worried about my soul. Now it felt like I didn't even have one. But when I thought about him, I could feel the love, the happiness and eventually the pain and loss. These were not good feelings, but they were feelings nevertheless. I felt at least a little bit alive. Sometimes I longed for the pain. _I longed to feel something._

Other times the pain was so intense that I longed to feel nothing. To be dead inside.

The first time I had lost him I thought he did it because it would make him happier. It had been horrible, but this was worse in a different way. This didn't make him nor me happier. He had done it to give me a normal human life. Now that I had one I could say with certainty that I hated it.

If this is what life's all about, than I don't want it.

I had tries to live with Renee, but it meant that she had to live with me and wouldn't be able to travel with Phil. I reminded her of my plan to move to Forks, and after a while she gave in.

She didn't have to worry about me not wanting to move to Forks, because I actually didn't like the sun anymore. I wanted the weather to match my mood and rainy Forks was perfect for that. I also felt some kind of connection with Forks. This way it was easier for me to be as near to my "dream" as possible. When I had been still human- in my "dream"- I had hated sunny days, because that meant that I wouldn't be able to see Edward in school. When Edward had turned me I had grown accustomed to avoiding the sun.

Then there was the fact that Charlie wasn't able to take care of himself, so I could just as well live here and make his life a lot easier.

I had never told Renee and Charlie what exactly my "dream" had been about. First of all they would probably think that something was wrong with my brain and the second part was that I couldn't. I couldn't reveal their secret. I know that sounds very absurd, because they don't actually exist, but I couldn't make myself. It felt like I would be betraying them. So I chose the wisest thing to do; not tell them.

Renee had been very surprised when I told her I wanted to live with Charlie, even more so when I could convincingly assure her I wanted to move.

So here I was, a month later, in Forks, the town of my dreams, literally.

I signed deep and started unpacking my things. I didn't have a lot of clothes, because a lot of them were summer clothes and surprisingly I had a better taste in clothes now. Even though what happened in my "dream" hadn't been real, it was still part of who I was now. Alice fashion sense had eventually rubbed off on me, just a little. I still preferred normal clothes, but I made sure they were fashionable. I can't believe I used to wear half the stuff I owned. The first thing I did when I had to pack my stuff was throwing away the ugly things. Because of that I only had a little bit clothing to bring with me, but I decided to go to Port Angeles soon to buy some new stuff.

I was done in less than an hour and decided to send Renee an email.

_Hi mom, _

_I just finished unpacking my stuff and remembered to write an email so you could stop worrying now. The flight was ok and Charlie was already waiting at the airport to drive me home, with cruiser and all. It's raining outside, so it's not the best weather, but it doesn't bother me. _

_Don't forget to give the house key to Mrs. Long. She promised to water the plants while you're gone and the clothes in your room are already organized, you only have to do the ones in the dryer. _

_It was slightly embarrassing, but everything went fine. I don't have a lot to write about, but I have to go and make dinner for Charlie now. I'll write when I have something to write about ok. _

_Lots of Love, Bella._

I shut down the computer and run down the stairs, not tripping once. For some odd reason I was not clumsy anymore. Of course I had my moments, but I didn't have to worry about falling down a lot anymore. I don't know but I was just a lot more in balance now. I remembered my time as a vampire. I had been very graceful, at least Edward told me I was. I still had some of that grace now. I was just used to walking that way now and I was happy about it.

I noticed I still had a lot of things from my "Vampire days". I could smell, see and hear very well and could run faster than I used to. I was graceful and as you know my fashion sense had improved. I also loved speed, especially driving fast. There was something else which I found quite ironic. I could smell blood better, but disliked it even more than I already did.

'Uhm, I have a surprise for you' Charlie told me as soon as I walked into the living room.'

He was looking a little bit nervous, so I decided not to ask what and just fallowed him to the front door. I was starting to get a strange feeling, when he walked outside.

He couldn't..I mean, it wasn't…the car, was it?

I walked cautiously outside and gasped at what I saw.

There parked in the driveway was my red truck. I ran over to it to touch it.

Was this real? How could this be happening. It looked just like I remembered it. And to my surprise, I didn't like it that much anymore. Now I could see that it was kind of, well…ugly. It was an old car, that much I knew. No wonder Jackob had sold it to me two years ago.

Then I remembered. This was not supposed to be possible. This car shouldn't exist.

I swallowed hard. 'Cha- Dad. Who sold you this car?'

Charlie looked pleased that I asked and answered proudly 'Billy. You remember Billy? He lives in La Push. He's in a wheelchair now, so he asked me if I wanted to buy it from him. I thought you'd want a car, so I bought it as a homecoming gift.' He looked at the truck, avoiding my eyes. 'I hope you like it' he added at the end.

I put up one of my fake smiled 'Yes dad, I love it. Thanks' I didn't want him to know, but I was shocked. This was the third thing that I knew without being told. It was the same as in my dream. Charlie had probably bought the car a week ago when he heard that I was going to move in with him. There was no way I would have known this before I got into a coma. This was not something I could have come up with on my own.

First I knew about a doctor in Forks called, Dr Cullen. I knew about the red truck and about the fact that Billy had sold it to Charlie. Also Billy was in a wheelchair. There was another thing I knew which Charlie had not told me about yet. This truck was bought by Billy in 1984. His son Jackob had done a lot on the engine, so I could drive it safely.

My thoughts were confirmed when Charlie himself told me the exact same things, except he thought Billy had done a lot on the engine of the old Chevy.

Charlie went inside a few minutes later when I once again thanked him for the car. I was in some kind of trance standing outside.

How come I had "dreamed" the exact same thing as had happened right now? I couldn't have known all of this a year ago.

If this part of my "dream" came true. What else was true?

I knew that this thought were dangerous. They were filling me with hope and that was very dangerous for me. I would only get hurt more if I thought about this, but I couldn't stop myself.

What if the Cullens were real?

I decided that I wouldn't have peace till I found out, so I walked inside and told Charlie I would take a drive around town.

He was watching a game so he just nodded and told me to drive save.

I went upstairs and changed my clothes. I took a pair of skinny jeans, a simple white top, a brown belt and a brownish jacket. **(A/N picture is on my profile)** After looking in the mirror I decided that it looked ok and headed outside.

I was not sure what I was trying to do, but before I knew it I was driving on an unpaved road, past the trees, towards a beautiful white house. I could have cried out from happiness when I saw the house. It was real!

I parked the truck in the familiar driveway.

Yes! Please don't let me be dreaming. Please.

I was still sitting in the car, not sure if I should get out.

_Come on Bella, you can do this. The worst thing that can happen is that you're wrong. The worst thing that can happen is that they don't exist. _

I took several slow breaths before I opened the door and walked to the front door.

I didn't knock, I just stood there.

* * *

_"Wow."_

_"You like it?"_

_"It… has a certain charm."_

_He pulled the end of my ponytail and chuckled._

_"Ready?" he asked, opening the door._

_"Not even a little bit – let's go." I tried to laugh, but it seemed to get stuck in my throat. I smoothed my hair nervously._

_"you look lovely." He took my hand easily without thinking about it._

* * *

I smiled at the memory. Even then I was scared of going inside. Scared at what was waiting behind the door. Not of the people inside, but of their reactions to me.

I thought about Edward and rang the bell.

A few seconds later the door was opened and standing there in front of me was someone I had never thought I would see again.

**( A/N I actually wanted to stop here, but decided not to, because I already knew what I wanted to write and didn't want to forget it. And because I didn't want to be so mean) **

'Hi there, can I help you?' The beautiful woman said standing in front of me with a friendly smile on her face. She had a heart-shaped face, pale white skin, caramel-colored hair and golden eyes.

I kept staring at her and I felt that I was smiling again, after such a long time. I knew I shouldn't have done what I did next, but I couldn't stop myself. So I flung myself forward and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her with everything I had. She stiffened and clearly didn't know how to react.

I let go of her, slightly hurt. I saw the look on her face and felt as if someone had just slapped me in the face.

My sweet and loving Esme was looking at me, like someone who was looking at a stranger.

I could see that she didn't know who I was.

'Uhm, sorry.' I said awkwardly. 'I'm Bella C-…uhm…Swan.'

'Hi, Bella. How nice of you to come by. Uhm, do you want to come in?'

How typical Esme. She was always polite, no matter how strange someone was. Especially if that someone had just hugged her for no apparent reason.

'Yes, please' I said still not sure what I was going to do. She pulled the door farther open and let me in.

I walked in and saw that everybody was standing there, on the raised portion of the floor, probably waiting for me. I remembered the first time I came to the Cullen house. Esme and Carlisle had been standing there, next to the piano, waiting for me.

I tried to stop the tears from coming, but this time I couldn't. It was like I had seen light again after being locked up in the dark. I quickly wiped away the tears, hoping they hadn't seen them, but I was certain they had.

The first person I saw was Alice. She was looking at me with an expression that I wasn't used on seeing on her face. It was confusion. Clearly she didn't have any idea why I was here. I was probably the first human who had visited them uninvited.

I looked at them, one at a time, except for the person I wanted to see most.

I knew I wouldn't be able to bear the look in his eyes.

I once again looked at Alice and said, 'Oh Alice.' Before I walked towards her and hugged her. Just as Esme she was surprised. 'You have no idea how great it is to see you again' I said sobbing.

I pulled away and smiled at her. Trying to tell her that it's ok.

'Uhm, hi. I'm sorry. Do I know you?' Alice asked politely.

I let out a laugh.

'No. Well, not yet anyway. I'm Bella.' I stretched out my hand.

She looked at it and the slowly shook my hand. Her hands were ice gold just like I expected. She probably thought I would have flinched away, but of course I didn't.

'But you clearly know who I am.' She continued. It was clear that she was trying to get me to explain what was happening.

I looked around the room, once again skipping one person.

'I…uhm…I do.' I said eventually. 'I don't only know you Alice. I know all of you. Esme and Carlisle' I looked at them and saw the Cullen "kids" look at each other. I knew why. It was because I had addressed Carlisle and Esme by their names and it was clear from my voice that I had a lot of respect for them.

'Carl- I mean, Dr Cullen, do you remember who I am?'

He smiled at me 'Yes. Your Isabella Swan. Charlie's daughter, right?'

I beamed. At least someone knew who I was, even though it was only my name.

'yes. I was your patient in Florida. My father is very thankful that you took my case. And I wanted to thank you for everything that you did for me. As you see I am awaked and well.'

'I am very glad. It was too bad that I had just left Florida when you woke up. I would have gladly been there to treat you'

I know he only saw me as his patient, but I was so happy because of what he had said.

I looked over at Emmett and Rosalie. Rosalie was, as I had expected, giving me one of her death glares, but I couldn't get myself to feel scared as I used to be. I just smiled at her, but that seemed to make her angrier.

'Emmett and Rosalie. You look just like I remember you two. It's nice to see you again. Really' I looked at Rosalie. I was trying to tell her that it was ok. That she could trust me and that I had a lot of respect for her. I mean how could I not? She had helped me save my baby and Emmett had always been the big brother I never had.

'Alice and Jasper' I looked over at them, now holding hands. I knew this would be hard on Jasper, so I tried not to go too near him.

'Glad to see you're still the same little pixie I know' I told Alice and heard Emmett laugh.

Then I looked at the one person I had avoided looking at till now and when I saw him he once again took my breath away. He was standing there, looking at me. I could clearly see he was confused and frustrated. Probably because of the fact that he couldn't read my mind. His tousled bronze hair and golden eyes. I took a step toward him, but stepped back once again as soon as I realized I had done it.

I just kept standing there, looking into his eyes. I lost all train of thoughts. It was as if I was drowning in him. I didn't want to blink, because I was afraid that if I closed my eyes he would disappear.

I heard someone clear his throat, probably Emmett, and snapped out of my thoughts.

'Edward.' I simply said as if I had just said something very intelligent. There was nothing else I could say.

I mean what could I say?

_Hi honey. I missed you love. Do you remember me? I'm your wife._

_Yes, that would go well, not._

I cleared my throat. 'Well, uhm, yes, I know all of you even though you don't.'

Carlisle took a step towards me.

'Why don't you take a seat' he pointed towards the couch.

I happily obliged and sat down. Alice sat down next to me once I was settled and the rest followed our example and took a seat. Emmett and Rosalie next to each other. Esme and Carlisle on a separate couch and Edward next to Esme. Jasper sat next to Alice. I knew this was probably hard for him, but looked really relieved.

Then I noticed the open window near me and looked alarmed at Edward.

'Uhm, could you please close the window?' I asked Alice as nicely as possible. I didn't want to sound rude, but knew that it wasn't a good idea to let it open. What if the wind blows inside and tousles my hair and he's smell my scent?

He told me that the first time he smelled me he was only able to stop because he was thinking about all the innocent student sitting in the classroom. Now I was the only human in the room, and even though his self-control is very good, that doesn't mean it's perfect.

She looked at me oddly and moved to close the window.

'Would you like to explain why you're here?' Rosalie snapped at me. It was great to see how glad she was that I was there, not.

I was getting irritated, but smiled at her anyway. I was not going to let her ruin my mood. I hadn't felt so whole for a long time now. Jasper was probably having a great time feeling my emotions. I looked over to him and sure enough he was looking at me with a slight smile on his face.

'I'm here because I had to make sure you were real.' I said simply.

'I don't know how to explain this, but…uhm'

'How about you start at the beginning. Like how you know us' I heard a velvet voice ask. My head snapped toward Edward who was looking at me expectantly. This was defiantly frustrating him. I tried not to get lost in his eyes again, but I couldn't. How can anyone blame me for not being able to look away from my own personal Adonis. Well, not mine, yet.

I cleared my throat, 'Well, I woke up a month ago in a hospital bed, and was told that I had been in a coma for almost a year, because of an accident.' Carlisle nodded, already knowing this part.

'The strange thing is that I didn't know that. I had been living in a…I guess you could call it a dream. Two years had passed in that dream, two years in which I moved to Forks, went to school here and met new people. The thing is that I had gotten to know a family that was living in Forks. The father was a doctor' I looked at Carlisle, trying to make him understand. I'm positive that they knew what I was trying to say. Well not all, but they knew who I meant.

'He was my doctor actually. Dr Carlisle Cullen. He was living in Forks with his wife Esme and five children.'

They were all looking at me a little bit chocked, and they hadn't even heard the real shocking part.

'So, you met us. In you 'dream', I mean.' Alice said.

'Yes' I nodded 'I met all of you in school and we became friends' I let out all the other things with Edward, because that would sound strange. Me telling him we fell in love.

'I don't know, but I really felt home with you guys' I said smiling at Esme. She was looking at me lovingly, a look I had missed a lot. 'You were like family to me.'

'And then I woke up to find you all gone and my live changed in that second. I thought you all didn't exist and I felt so sad, but then I heard Charlie talk about a certain Dr Cullen from Forks and I don't know. I felt hope, that maybe you all did exist. I know I sound really weird and all the things I said sound ridiculous, but I thought that if someone understands what I mean that it would be you Alice.' I looked at her, begging with my eyes for her to understand me. To believe me. She shared a glance with Edward and he shook his head.

'Oh come on. Can you prove it?' Rosalie asked, looking at me as if she wished I would just disappear, which she probably did.

'Yes. I can. I can tell you what I know about you. Something that no one could have told me.' I said now irritated with her. 'If you'd like I could begin with the fact that I know what you are'

* * *

**I hope you liked it. **

**You can review me and let me know what you think of it. **


	4. Chapter 4 Confessions and the Truth II

**Hi guys Here is chapter 4**

**Disclaim: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn or any of the characters. I do however own this storyline. You may read other stories that have a similar storyline, but that doesn't mean that you already know what is going to happen in this story.**

**They finally fixed our internet, so I'll be able to upload again.**

**I also want to add that Bella is going to read the twilight saga. I'm telling you this so people aren't disappointed when she is going to read them because they didn't know. I'll tell you all when she is going to read them, because it's not going to happen in the coming chapters. Enjoy **

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Truth **

'_Oh come on. Can you prove it?' Rosalie asked, looking at me as if she wished I would just disappear, which she probably did._

'_Yes. I can. I can tell you what I know about you. Something that no one could have told me.' I said now irritated with her. 'If you'd like I could begin with the fact that I know what you are' _

* * *

Everyone was looking at me, or rather _staring_ at me as if I had grown two extra heads.

'What?' Rosalie tried to act as if she had no idea what I was talking about, but even I could see the fear in her eyes.

'I said I know what you are' I know it was a bad idea, but I wanted to tease her a little bit, so I continued without as much as blinking 'You're vampires. I know, so what?' I shrugged 'You'll get over it, I know I did'

All the vampires in the room were staring at me, stunned.

'Is that prove enough?' I asked Rosalie, and went on when she didn't answer 'Or should I continue?'

I looked over to Carlisle 'Carlisle Cullen, you think you were born in London around the sixteen-forties. You were the only son of an Anglican pastor, but your mom had died giving birth to you. He let hunts for a lot of "mythical" creatures like vampires. He later placed you in his charge. You actually found a coven of vampires and he attacked you. You were twenty-three when you were changed. At first you wanted to kill yourself, but that didn't work, so you tries to make the best of your situation. Instead of feeding from humans you chose to survive on animals. We used to laugh about you all being vegetarian vampires. You became a doctor so you could help people instead of kill them. That's how you got to Edward.' I paused for a second and looked over to him. His name rolled easily out of my mouth.

'Edward Anthony Masen. You were dying of the Spanish influenza in 1918 when Carlisle turned you. Your father, Edward senior, had already died and your mother, Elisabeth, begged Carlisle, who was your doctor at the time, to save your life. He decided to change you. You were seventeen at the time. You are the fastest and also have the ability to read minds, with one exception.' His eyes were boring into mine.

'Me' I said. 'You also have a singer, la tua cantante.' His eyes grew big as I said that.

'Who is it?'

I swallowed. 'You were going to meet her in your Biology classroom. She had the seat next to you.' I could see he was putting the puzzles together.

'The window?' he said more a statement than a question.

His family was looking from him to me.

I swallowed. 'Yes. That's why I didn't get closer to you. It's better if you don't smell me.' I was talking very rationally, and he was looking at me amazed.

'You…you…you know what I am and what I could do to you, yet you still sit here? As if everything is just normal.'

'Yes, well, it'll be best if you just hold your breath.' I told him 'I'm sorry, that must be uncomfortable.'

He was looking at me as if I had lost my mind, and so was the rest.

'Ok where was I? oh yeah, you didn't always life with Carlisle' He looked down at this part, but I continued, trying to make him feel better 'but were the first one to be part of his family. Than Carlisle met Esme'

I looked over to my loving mother. I had really seen Esme as a mother, and it was hard not still to see her like one.

'You were born around 1895. You met Carlisle when you were 16, because you had broken your leg. You told me you never forgot that experience and clearly left an impression on him' I smiled at her and Esme looked over at Carlisle, love evidently on her face. 'You married at the age of 22 to…someone' I didn't even want to say the name of the monster who had abused my sweet Esme, and from the look the Cullen "kids" had neither did they. 'He went to the war, and I wished he hadn't come back' I murmured the last part to myself, but they had probably heard anyway, because Carlisle smiled at me. Thanking me silently. 'You became pregnant and had a son in 1921. He died because of a lung infection' I said the last part slowly, so she could see that I was sorry. She gave me a sad smile in respond. 'You jumped off a cliff and were presumed dead. Carlisle recognized you and heard that your heart was still beating, so he changed you. Esme joined the Cullen family, fell in love with Carlisle and you two married soon after that. The next one to join the family was Rosalie'

I said her name with as much respect as I had said Carlisle, Edward and Esme. I could see that it confused her a little bit, because I should have hated her because of the way she had just treated her, but she didn't know what I knew.

'You were born around 1915 as Rosalie Hale in Rochester. You were engaged, soon to be married, but…well, I won't go into details, but you were turned by Carlisle when you were about eighteen.' I didn't want her to think about that son of a b*tch, so I left that part out. I could see she was grateful for that because she let out the breath she had been holding. 'Carlisle actually changed you because he hoped you and Edward would...' I was trying not to laugh at this part, but the expression on Edward's and Rosalie's faces was just hilarious. If they had been human they would both have been blushing. Emmet on the other hand didn't even _try_ not to laugh, which earned him a death glare from Rosalie.

'…Uhm… get friendly.' Now I couldn't hold it any longer and started giggling, but stopped when I saw Rosalie's death glare now pointed at me.

'Hey, it's not my fault! Anyway, Emmett joined the family two years later'

I looked at Emmett and he was looking at me grinning from ear to ear.

'Emmett McCartney, you were changed by Carlisle in 1935, after Rosalie had found you half death. You had been mauled by a bear. You and Rosalie have been together since then. Physically you're probably the strongest. Oh and your favorite animal to hunt, are grizzly bears. Correction, irritated grizzly bears' I laughed at the last part and his grin just got bigger.

'Hell yeah!'

'Alice and Jasper' I continued, rolling my eyes at Emmett.

'I can't tell your stories separate from each other, but I'll try.' Alice placed her hand on Jaspers shoulder and looked into his eyes.

'Jasper Whitlock. You were a major in the Confederate Army in Texas and were turned by Maria. I'm really not interested in talking about her, so I'll skip that part' I told them.

'Yes, please' Jasper signed.

'Now my favorite part. You met Alice in a diner in Philadelphia. She walked over to you and told you that you had kept her waiting for a long time. Alice told me, and I quote "He bowed his head like a good southern gentleman and answered; I'm sorry, ma'am. She then offered you her hand and you told me that you felt hope after almost a century. You have the ability to manipulate emotions. You two fell in love and joined the Cullen family in 1950. I think Edward said something along the lines that you came here and asked what room you could use. You eventually took Edwards, because it had a bigger closet' I laughed and Alice joined me.

'Well, it wasn't like he needed the closet and I just didn't have enough place in mine.'

Edward snickered.

'Alice' I signed 'I don't know what to say'

Alice face changed into a sad one. 'well, there isn't a lot to say. I don't even know anything about my past. I just woke up as a vampire. I remember Jaspers face as one of my first memories' she signed.

'Well, would you believe me if I told you I know more?'

Her eyes turned big. 'Of course I would. You just told us everything you know about all of us and everything was right. If you tell me you know something about my past then I believe you.'

'Ok. You were born as Marie Alice Brandon. You were born in 1901 in Biloxi, Mississippi.' I looked down, not liking what I was going to have to tell her.

'You were kept in an asylum because you had premonitions. The reason why you can't remember anything from your human life, is because you were kept in a dark cell. You were changed by a vampire, because he wanted to protect you from someone. The date on your grave matches the date of your admission to the asylum.' I swallowed and looked at Alice. She was looking down into her lap. I put my hand on hers, 'I'm sorry Alice. I really am, but you have a loving family and a wonderful husband now, so it wasn't all for nothing.

'Your sister Cynthia Brandon and her daughter, your niece, are still alive in Biloxi.'

I let out a breath and looked at Rosalie.

'Is that prove enough?'

Rosalie simply nodded.

'I think there's something more.' Jasper said looking at me.

Of course he knew. He could feel my emotions.

'I mean. Why did we tell you? Don't get me wrong, I think you're really nice and all, but why would be tell a human about our secret?'

'Actually you didn't tell me. I found out.'

'yes, but why did we let you…live? No offence.'

'It's ok. None taken' I didn't know what to say, so I said the truth.

'I'm sorry. I don't want to tell you guys just yet. I know you all want to know and I'm sorry, but I just can't'

My voice shook at the end. I was happy to see them again, and to find out that they actually did exist, but Edward didn't even know me. And I missed Nessie so much.

'Uhm. I think that I should get going, because Charlie is probably waiting for me to make dinner. I told him I would drive around Forks.' I said getting up. 'Oh and Edward, you should probably try to smell me before I go, because it will make it easier for you to get used to my scent. I would appreciate if Jasper and Emmett would hold on to you though. Not that I don't trust you, it's just that there is so much you can take.'

Edward was avoiding my eyes, but eventually looked up at me, once again amazed.

'What kind of human are you? You do know you should be afraid of me right?'

I laughed. 'I'm not afraid of you silly. I would never be afraid of you' I told him looking in his eyes. I barely noticed Alice looking from Edward to me than back to him with a smile on her face.

'So ready?' I said.

'Are you sure you want to do this Bella?' Jasper asked me.

'Yes, I'm sure'

Emmett and Jasper took hold of Edward and I took a few steps closer towards him. I pulled my hair band out of my hair and shook my head so my loose curls fell around my shoulders, carrying my scent towards Edward. Just as I had expected Edward stiffened and his eyes turned dark. I remembered the first day in Biology. I had been afraid of him, but when I looked at him now I couldn't get myself to feel afraid.

Even though I must have smelled incredible to him he didn't move an inch. He just stand there, watching me with hunger in his eyes. I knew this was very hard for him, but it was going to help him, so I took another step towards him. Emmet and Jasper's eyes widened at my courage. I ignored their stares and took another step towards Edward. He still hadn't moved a bit, but his hand was a little bit shaking. He had formed both his fingers into a fist.

We were now only inches apart, and I leaned a little bit forward. Edward held his breath.

'You have to keep breathing Edward, or it won't work' I whispered.

I stretched my hand out and touched his neck. He was still frozen in his place.

I knew that I could be dead any second. If he couldn't keep still any longer he could just lean forward fast and kill me. Jasper and Emmett wouldn't even have time to pull him away.

I think he realized the same thing, because his eyes got bigger.

'Think about Carlisle, Edward.' I whispered. 'You never wanted him to be ashamed of you. You always saw him as your father, you can do this' I kept going on.

I knew exactly what I had to say to make this easier for him.

'Think about your family. Think about the reputation you have tried to build up, by not hurting innocent people. You would never hurt me, I know that.' I moved my hand upward and stroked his cheek. He seemed to relax a little bit, and I knew it was working.

'You may think you don't have a soul, but I know you do.'

I was hypnotized by the look in his eyes. He looked as if he was in so much pain, which he probably was.

'I have see you do so many amazing things. I've seen you help so many people.' Including me I added in my head. 'You are truly beautiful on the inside, it's time you see that yourself.' I tried to let him hear the truth in my words. I could see Jasper smiling at me, even though he seemed a little bit confused.

He could probably feel the love I was feeling right now for Edward.

I guess he had his answer on why they didn't just kill me when I found out about what they are.

'Edward, they are going to let go of you now, ok'

'Yes' he said in his smooth velvet voice, but I could hear the strain behind it.

Emmett and Jasper let go of him slowly.

I gave Edward a loving smile and pulled my hand away from his face, trying to concentrate on my surroundings again.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Esme and Alice beaming at us.

I blushed slightly and took a step back, when Edward stiffened a little bit.

Emmett and Jasper was looking amused, Rosalie was simply looking at us and Carlisle was looking at Edward proudly.

'Yeah, so, well' I stuttered. 'I'll…uhm…just be going then'

I hugged Alice, Esme and Emmett and waved the rest goodbye.

I got in my car and drove back home, smiling the whole ride.

* * *

**I hope you liked it. This was more of an extra chapter. I wanted to make sure that they understand that Bella knows everything. She didn't say anything about what was going to happen, because she didn't want them to know yet. **

**You can review me and let me know what you think of it. **


	5. Chapter 5 Twilight Ch 1

**Hi guys Here is chapter 5**

**Disclaim: I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn or any of the characters. I do however own this storyline. **

**Enjoy **

* * *

**Chapter 5: La Push, baby, La Push  
**

'_Yeah, so, well' I stuttered. 'I'll…uhm…just be going then'_

_I hugged Alice, Esme and Emmett and waved the rest goodbye. _

_I got in my car and drove back home, smiling the whole ride. _

…

Charlie was already gone when I woke up the next morning. He had told me yesterday that he was going to visit Billy after work. Even though I would have liked to see Jacob again, I decided that now was not the time. I knew that I was going to have to do something about the situation in La Push. I couldn't let Jacob and his friends suffer so much, before finding out the truth. I don't know what exactly I'm going to do, but I'll figure it out.

Right now my biggest problem is my future. Well actually Edward and mine. I was most definitely not about to give up the love of my life or my little girl. I can't believe that I'm the only one who knows what is about to happen.

I have two choices: I can either shut my mouth and let everything happen as it should, or I can learn from the future and try to change it.

The first option was probably the safest, but unlikely. The probability that everything will happen exactly like it should is very little. The smallest things can change the whole future, so how can I be sure that it hasn't already changed? That's just it, I can't be sure. Do I even want everything to happen as it did? Edward and I went through a lot of things in the two years it took him to change his mind about changing me. Two years may have seemed nothing to me when I was a vampire, but waiting two years for my future with Edward and Renesmee seemed a long time. I haven't awoken from the come a long time ago, and I was already missing her. How am I supposed to miss her for two years?

_No,_ I thought, _I will not let that happen. _

If I do nothing and wait there might me a possibility that everything changes. I can't take that risk. There are a lot of things that can be changed, but Nessie being born is not one of them. I will not let that happen.

I suddenly jumped up from my chair, grabbed a jacket and my car keys and headed to my car.

There were two places I wanted to go. La Push and the Cullen house. Which will it be?

If I go to the Cullens Edward will be there.

But I also have to see Jacob and talk to Sam.

But the Cullens will be there.

I took a long breath and started the engine.

The Cullens it is.

…

"Bella." Alice exclaimed, running towards my car as I parked the truck in front of their door.

"Hi Alice, it's nice to see you too." I laughed as she hugged me tightly.

"I knew you would come." She said and with a smile that could have made every depressed person happy.

I snickered. "Of course you knew Alice, you can see the future remember?"

Alice's smile didn't waver as she simply shrugged.

She took my head and led me towards the house as Esme just walked out to meet me as well, looking amused.

"Oh, now I understand why Alice has been hyper for the past hour."

"Yes, well, when is Alice not hyper?" I said, smiling at her.

It seemed like the whole Cullen family had been expecting my arrival, because as soon as I walked into the house I was attacked by Emmett who insisted that I tell him if he looks more handsome in the future.

"Uh Emmett, vampires don't change." I said in a voice that people would use when talking to a five-year-old.

Emmett simply pouted and Jasper snickered as Rosalie smacked his head.

"Idiot." She said and then turned towards me. She wasn't exactly looking happy to see me, but at least she didn't look angry.

"Bella, it's great to see you here again." Carlisle greeted me.

"Thank you Ca-Dr. Cullen." I cursed myself. I had been so careful not to call him Dad, that I had forgotten to call him Dr. Cullen instead of Carlisle.

Carlisle smiled, "You can call me Carlisle. I can see that you're having a hard time not to."

I blushed, because I had hoped he wouldn't have noticed, but what had I expected he's a vampire.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just not used to calling you Dr. Cullen and Mrs. Cullen."

"Well, it seems like you were very close to us, if you know so much about us." Carlisle said.

"I am, I mean I was. I still feel the same way towards you all, even though you don't really feel the same." I said, but you could hear the sadness in my voice.

"I'm sure that that will change if you tell us some more about you and about the future." Esme suggested.

"Yes, but that's just it. I don't know what I should tell you and what I shouldn't." I said truthfully.

Jasper spoke when everyone was quietly thinking about my answer. "What do you mean? Why would there be something that you shouldn't tell us?"

I choose my answer carefully as to not give away too much. "There are things about the future that I don't want to change. I know it's not fair, but you might want to change some things that shouldn't be changed." Some of the Cullens narrowed their eyes.

"I know that must sound horrible, but I really can't give one important thing up, no matter what. I guess that makes me sound very selfish, but I doubt that you would want to give that thing up if you really knew the value it has."

The Cullens looked very confused, but I guess I didn't really explain that right.

"Let's just say that telling you some things could be very dangerous, if you choose not to let it happen as it is supposed to be. One of those things is my future. It's already hanging on the line as it is. By telling you everything might change and certainly not for the better."

Some of the Cullens, especially Jasper, were looking at me knowingly. Ironically enough one of the vampires who didn't seem to understand was Edward.

"So how much do you plan on telling u-" Jasper started to say, but was interrupted by the doorbell.

Everybody glanced at each other, looking very confused.

"What?" Alice said.

"How come I didn't hear anyone's thoughts? I still don't"

I froze. This couldn't be good. "Oh god." I breathed.

Everyone glanced at me and then at the door.

"That, whoever that is. Can't be human." I whispered so softly so only the vampires in the house could hear me.

"But there is no other vampire that can block my power." Edward said, but loud enough so I could hear, which meant that the vampire outside would also hear it.

"It doesn't matter. Whoever it is can't be that bad if they decide to knock." I whispered and Carlisle moved towards the front door.

When Carlisle came back he was alone, with a box in his hands.

"I think this is for you, Bella." He said, putting the book on the table.

I slowly walked towards it, as if I were afraid that it would bite me, no pun intended.

"There's a note." Emmett pointed out, I took it and started reading out loud.

"_**Dear M-**_" I gasped, but stopped myself from reading the word. There it was. Written in a beautiful handwriting of a Vampire. Mom. My little girl. This letter was from Renesmee.

"What is it?" Alice asked.

"N-nothing." I swallowed and started reading again, changing the word.

**Dear Bella, **

**This is probably going to sound really strange, but this is a letter from the future. I know that you know what is going to happen, because you've told me this story many times, or you ARE going to tell me. Well anyway. You told me that you got a letter and a box with books about everything that was going to happen, that were send my me. It all sounded very confusing to me back then, it still does, but I knew what I had to do once the time had come. I had to sent you the letter and books again. **

**You told me that I should write that the thing you fear the most will not happen if you tell everyone the truth. I don't know what you meant, but I think you will. **

**Talking about you as if you are two different persons is very strange, but you also told me to write that you have to read these books with everyone and follow your instincts. Tell everything you think they have to know, but don't say anything that you don't have to. That way you won't spoil the story. Most of the things in the books are not going to happen again, so they won't have to go through so much, but the most important and best parts will still happen. **

**She also told me to write that you have to tell me this all over again in the future, so I will do everything again, which I find very confusing, but whatever. **

**PLEASE don't tell them anything so they'll be the ones who don't know something for once. Especially U- **uhm – **Emmett, because I want some revenge for all those years of teasing. **

**You have to read the first two books at the same time. First read the preference and a chapter from Twilight and then the chapter from Midnight Sun with the same title. **

**I have to go now, because Jake wants to take me to dinner. **

**Everybody sends their love. **

**Xx Your Nessie. **

**Ps. Will you please tell Jake everything a bit sooner, because I don't want him to suffer for no reason. And please keep that one thing from happening, cause it's a bit awkward. **

**Pps. Woeps I almost forgot to tell you, just like you told me I would, you have to read these books with the Denali's. A- Tanya will be very annoyed when she finds out that you haven't let her read the books once again. Just tell g-Charlie that you want to go on a camping trip with the Cullens. It seems like you already know the Cullens. You met them when you were on summer camp in Florida. You still kept in touch with Alice and Rosalie, but you didn't know they lived in Forks, because they hadn't been able to get in touch with you because of the accident. Imagine your surprise when you met them at the store yesterday. You'd love to catch up with them, but they are leaving on a camping trip and have invited you to come with them. You know how much Charlie loves the Cullens, he'll be glad to see you happy. Btw, this was all your and Alice's idea.**

**PPPS. You told me I had to write the words: EJ, because only you know what it stands for, which can't be right, because you told me it stood for E-" **I stopped reading.

"Why'd you stop?" Edward asked me.

"I- uhm, the next line would give too much away. I can't tell you yet." I said, glancing at the words: **"Edward Junior" **

"Who's Nessie?" Alice asked.

"Is she a vampire? Cause we can't have more humans knowing we're vampires." Jasper said.

"I can't tell you who she is, but don't worry, she is defiantly part of the supernatural world." I answered, looking a bit unsure. Was I going to do this? My future self said that it was ok. And no matter what time I live in, I would never risk Nessie's life.

"So when are we going?" I asked all of a sudden, that I even surprised the vampires.

"So you believe it? Everything that's written in this letter?" Alice asked.

"What Alice want's to say is, do you really think we should trust this Nessie person with our whole future?" Rosalie said, not looking very happy.

"Rose, I can't explain it. Just trust me. This person is someone anyone in this room would trust his whole life and that of others to." I smiled thinking about our time with Nessie as a family. They would have trusted her with anything. Given up everything for her.

"I wasn't sure, but the letters EJ mean something. I told you all what it meant, but I never told you what it really stood for, so only I know it." I glanced at the name. "Trust me, this is proof enough that I really told her to write these letters."

"So why did you tell her to write it instead of writing it yourself?" Esme asked. "Wouldn't you believe yourself more?"

I smiled at her, thinking of the only reason I knew. "No. I would trust her more that I would trust me. She's the best person to write me a letter from the future. It proves that things that I fear will change won't."

I don't think they really understood what I was talking about, but they didn't say anything else.

The first person to say something was Alice.

"We are going to leave tomorrow. Bella needs to go home now, because Charlie will be home in a few minutes and she has to ask him if she can come with us. He will say yes and we will pick you up tomorrow morning at nine." She announced and everybody nodded and started saying goodbye.

I was just about to get into my truck when Alice said, "Oh and Bella, don't wash the dishes when Charlie is in the kitchen. He'll bump into you and you'll cut yourself. It won't be anything serious, but we don't want you to be in the car with us smelling like blood. Wash them when he's watching the game after dinner. Goodnight."

I waved and drove back home.

I did as Alice told me to and asked Charlie about the camping trip after dinner. Charlie sounded really pleased that I had already made friends. Especially with such good kids like Carlisle's children.

I was waiting for the Cullens the next morning and kissed Charlie goodbye when I saw Carlisle's car and Emmett's Jeep.

Carlisle and Esme got out of the car and talked to Charlie, while Edward put my bag in the car.

We were talking about all kinds of things and I think I fell asleep at some point.

_When I opened my eyes, I knew something was different. Everything seems lighter and I was sitting alone in the car, in the middle of nowhere. I knew it was a dream, because the Cullens wouldn't have left me in the car without telling me where they were going. I looked out of the window and saw a silhouette in the distance, making its way towards me. My heart started racing, but not because I was scared. Even though I couldn't see his face, I knew it was Edward. _

_I opened the door and got out of the car. Edward started running slowly and then faster, till he was standing a few feet away from me. I rushed forward and threw myself into his arms. _

"_God, I missed you." He whispered into my hair. _

"_I missed you too." I whispered back. I was referring to the hug. Edward was there in real life too, but he didn't know me there. He just thought I was a friend of the family. _

"_You don't know me." I said in a broken voice. _

"_I know my Bella, but I will. I am so s-" he started, but I stopped him by kissing him._

"_No, don't – say – that." I said between kissed. I rested my forehead against his. "It's not your fault. You're here now."_

_I heard Edward sign. "I'll have to leave you again soon. You're about to wake up." _

"_No!" I shouted. "No, you can't. Don't leave, please." I begged him. Edward was looking at me with sad eyes. _

"_We don't have much time." He said, looking over his shoulder. _

_It sounded like he was talking about something else then me waking up. I followed his eyes and saw my little girl standing behind him, staring at me longingly. _

"_Nessie?" I whispered as I took a step towards her. I reached out and just as I was about to touch her, she disappeared. My eyes widened and I suddenly felt ice cold. I turned around and saw Edward walking backwards, away from me. _

"_What- No. Please." I begged him not only with my words but my whole body. _

"_I'm sorry my beautiful Bella. You have to find me. In your world." His voice was getting more distant, like an echo and his body was fading away. _

"No!" I shouted and sat up.

"Bella?" Someone asked franticly. "What happened?"

I looked around and understood that I had woken up. Alice was sitting on Jaspers lap on my right, looking at me with concerned eyes.

"Are you ok?" She asked softly. I noticed that all the vampires in the car were staring at me, even Emmett, who was driving and should obviously be concentrating on the road and not on me.

"Yes." My voice shook as I tried to form the words. "It was just a nightmare."

I briefly glanced at Edward who was sitting in front of me, next to Emmett.

"What was it about. You were saying something about missing someone and then you-" Alice glanced at Japer.

"And you were asking someone not to leave." Jasper said, looking at me sadly. Of course he would know how bad the dream was for me. I really felt sorry for him at that moment. It was bad enough I had to endure it.

"I'm sorry Jasper." I mumbled.

"Why are you apologizing?" Jasper asked. "Your really don't have to apologize for your feelings."

"Let's not talk about it, ok?" I smiled a fake smile and changed the topic.

The ride seemed so much shorter when I was spending my time with the Cullens. It seemed so long ago that I had really talked with them. Not about the future or about what I knew, but just about simple stuff like school and people we knew. Alice enjoyed every minute of the time we spend talking about anything related to fashion. She was happy to hear that the only reason my taste in clothes had improved is because of her. I still didn't like talking or thinking about fashion, but at least I had a better taste now, according to her.

Tanya came running outside as we parked the cars.

"Carlisle. I was hoping it would be you when we heard the cars." Tanya said as the rest of the Denali's came outside to greet us. I was standing behind Rosalie and Emmett, so they could greet each other. I'd explain my presence later.

"Who is this?" Kate asked surprised as she caught my eye.

The Denali's shared a look and then looked at Carlisle for an explanation.

"This is Isabella Swan. She's from Forks. Why don't we go inside and we'll explain everything." Carlisle said. Of course we did exactly what he said and were all sitting in the living room a few minutes later.

"Well, as Carlisle already said, I'm Bella." I started to explain the reason that I was there and that I knew about vampires.

"So you're telling me you are from the future?" Eleanor asked.

"Well, not exactly. I have lived the future, but I've never actually been there." I explained.

"And what was it about a book?" Tanya asked Carlisle. Of course she would ask him. Tanya had always felt like family. And no matter if it's a Cullen of a Denali everyone asks Carlisle if they want to know something.

"Like Bella already said, the book is about the future and our role in it. Someone from the future, a certain Nessie, sent us the books so we'll change the future. She already knows the outcome, because for her the future has already changed, because we are going to do it in the future."

I'm sure no one else would have understood a word from what Carlisle had just said, but for all the people in the room it was clear.

"Ok, so when do we start reading?" Irina asked.

It was hard for me to look at her, so I avoided her gaze and said.

"I think it's best if we start reading right away, but we won't be able to get a lot of reading done today."

"Why not? We have all the time in the world, we don't have to go anywhere." Tanya said.

"Yes, well, I do. I'm human, so I do need a bit of sleep and you all need to hunt. Nevertheless, I think we should start anyway. I can't read in Vampire speed, so we'll need to read those books at a human pace."

The vampires nodded understandingly, but not all of them looked pleased about reading at a human pace.

I took the books out of my bag and picked up the one on the top. I assumed Nessie would have put them the way we should read.

"The first book is called: Twilight." I announced.

"Interesting name." Carmen said.

"I know the reason the first one is called that way. At least I think I do." I said. "It's because someone told me it's the safest time for vampires." I smiled as I remembered the words Edward had said.

The vampires were staring at me and I noticed the smile on my face. I'm sure they all wanted to know what I had been thinking about.

Tanya sat down next to Edward and he leaned away a bit, clearly not comfortable for the attention she was giving him.

I tried very hard to keep the smile off my face, since I was enjoying his responses to her charms. I can't believe I used to be jealous of her. Tanya is very beautiful and amazing and all, but Edward just wasn't interested in her. I can't get myself to be angry at her for trying; Edward is amazing so anyone would want to be so lucky to have him in their lives.

"So who's going to start reading?" Alice asked.

"I'll start, because I want to know more about Bella." Esme smiled and I had to smile back. She was about to read the backside when I stopped her.

"No, don't read it. I want you to find out everything when the time is ready."

They all shared a glance, because it was obvious that I didn't want to tell them something.

'_**But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, **_Esme stared reading.

_**thou shalt not eat of it:**_

_**for in the day that thou eatest thereof**_

_**thou shalt surely die.**_

**Genesis 2:17' **

"I thought we were going to read the book Twilight, not the Bible" Emmett said.

"Yes Emmett, but this verse was written in the book. It probably has something to do with the book itself" I said in a voice that I would have used to talk to a three year old.

Emmett pouted, clearly not liking the answer and Kate sitting next to him snorted.

"But what does it mean?" Alice asked.

"I'm not sure. I think it's about me." I confessed. "I think it's like in the bible. I could choose not to know the truth about you, but I chose to find out everything. Once I did that there was no going back. Just like the tree of knowledge of good and evil."

"But the last part says "thou shalt surely die." Esme pointed out, sounding very worried.

I shrugged.

**PREFACE,** Esme read.

**I'd never given much thought to how I would die**

"Why are you thinking about it now?" Esme panicked.

"It's ok…Esme." I didn't like calling her Esme, mom was a lot easier. "You'll find everything out when the time is right"

She nodded and started reading again.

— **though I'd had reason enough in the last few months — but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this. **

"Are you in danger?" Carlisle frowned.

"Um…" I didn't know what to say.

"It's ok we'll just read what happens." Alice said, clearly not liking the idea of not knowing what was going to happen. I was once again happy that she couldn't see our future because for some reason this book wad a mystery to all of them. Not that I minded, because this way she'll find out about everything like the rest of them.

**I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, **Esme continued.

"Is it a vampire?" Jasper asked suddenly alert.

Edward frowned, "Well, it did say hunter."

Esme's frown deepened and even Carmen flinched at the idea of me being near a vampire that wanted to kill me.

**and he looked pleasantly back at me.**

"Sure, next thing we're going to read is that he offered you a cookie" Emmett said sarcastic.

"Shut up" Edward snapped. "Let Esme read"

**Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. **

"Aw, sweetie." Esme looked at me sadly.

"It is a good way to die." Carmen agreed and the rest nodded. "You must love that person very much."

"Yes I do" I said sincerely. "Very much."

Esme looked at me lovingly, clearly pleased about my answer. They also seemed to notice I said "I do", not "I did".

**Noble, even. That ought to count for something.**

"It does. It shows us your wonderful personality." Esme told me. I blushed at her comment and Edward stiffened.

I was glad that she liked me. Even though she had loved me in the past, I hadn't been sure about how she felt about me now.

**I knew that if I'd never gone to Forks, I wouldn't be facing death now. **

"Then why did you go there again? You would have been saver in Phoenix." Edward frowned as he asked me this.

I shrugged, but had to keep myself from smiling. It was quite ironic that he was the one asking me, because he was one of the main reasons as to why I am here.

**But, terrified as I was, I couldn't bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.**

I flinched. This was not something I wanted to think about right now. Life had offered me another dream and I do think it's really reasonable for me to grieve because it came to an end. I looked around at the family I loved so much, including the Denali's. Life had offered me another chance, so I could make up for all the mistakes I made in those books aka my past.

**The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.**

Everyone shuddered. They all knew this was going to be bad.

**1. FIRST SIGHT,** Esme went on directly, not wanting to think about the preference.

**My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in**

**Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue. I was wearing my favorite shirt — sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. **

"Where are you going?" Emmett asked.

I looked at him in disbelieve, "Forks"

"Oh, um yeah right."

Kate, Tanya, Irina, Jasper and Edward snickered.

'But isn't that way too cold for Forks?' Esme asked concerned.

'Yes you really should wear something warmer' Carmen added.

**My carry-on item was a parka.**

'Well, that's better, I guess' Esme said, relieved.

'Better? How can that me better?' Alice exclaimed. 'She's going to wear a PARKA!'

'I'm not going to catch a cold, trust me' I said to Esme, ignoring Alice's outburst. But I have to admit I myself cringed at the word parka. At lease Alice should be glad my sense of fashion had improved a bit, all because of her of course.

**In the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade -**

'Wow you really like Forks, don't you?' Emmett said jokingly and I just shrugged.

**that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old.**

'Escaped?' Edward raised an eyebrow. 'I'm sure Charlie wasn't keeping her locked up in chains. He seems quite nice to me, at least his thoughts are good.'

I was so happy every time he said something, because it gave me an excuse to look at him.

**It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down; these past three summers, my dad, Charlie, vacationed with me in California for two weeks instead.**

**It was to Forks that I now exiled myself—**

'Exiled' Emmett chuckled. 'You're a bit of a dramatic one, aren't you?'

**an action that I took with great horror. I detested Forks.**

**I loved Phoenix. I loved the sun and the blistering heat. I loved the vigorous, sprawling city.**

**"Bella," my mom said to me — the last of a thousand times — before I got on the plane. "You don't have to do this."**

'Huh? So your mother isn't the one who is sending you away?' Jasper asked me 'Then why on earth did you choose to move there if you hate Forks that much?'

'I think it'll be mentioned somewhere in the book' I said, and he nodded, understanding that I wasn't going to answer. Too bad Emmett didn't get the hint and kept bugging me about it.

'Esme, could you please continue?' I asked totally ignoring Emmett.

**My mom looks like me, except with short hair and laugh lines. I felt a spasm of panic as I stared at her wide, childlike eyes. How could I leave my loving, erratic, harebrained mother to fend for herself?**

'Wait, aren't you supposed to be the daughter and not the mother?' Carmen frowned.

'It's kind of funny' Emmett laughed 'You're like an old person in the body of a 17-year old.'

'Oh, ha ha. Look who's talking.' I replied, "But it's different with you. You're an old person in the body of a 20-year old, with the mind of a 5-year old." Emmett pouted, while the rest sniggered.

"I like you." Tanya smiled at me.

I smiled back. I really liked Tanya, despite the fact that she had a thing for my husband. Sorry, _future _husband…I mean Edward.

**Of course she had Phil now, so the bills would probably get paid, there would be food in the refrigerator, gas in her car, and someone to call when she got lost, but still…**

'Wait!' Esme said 'Are you telling me _she_ always called _you_ when _she_ got lost?'

I shrugged 'We have a special relationship.'

**"I **_**want **_**to go," I lied. I'd always been a bad liar, but I'd been saying this lie so frequently lately that it sounded almost convincing now.**

**"Tell Charlie I said hi."**

**"I will."**

**"I'll see you soon," she insisted. "You can come home whenever you want — I'll come right back as soon as you need me."**

**But I could see the sacrifice in her eyes behind the promise.**

'Ok, so your moving here had something to do with her' Edward explained.

'Ooh, are we about to hear the reason?' Emmett said in a voice that probably was supposed to sound mysterious, but it didn't.

**"Don't worry about me," I urged. "It'll be great. I love you, Mom."  
She hugged me tightly for a minute, and then I got on the plane, and she was gone.  
It's a four-hour flight from Phoenix to Seattle, another hour in a small plane up to Port Angeles, and then an hour drive back down to Forks. Flying doesn't bother me; the hour in the car with Charlie, though, I was a little worried about.  
**'Why is your father that scary?' Eleazar joked.  
'You should see him when he's trying to cook. If you ever do, see him cook I mean, I advise you to run for your life.' I said this with a straight face, which made it look like I was actually being serious, which I was, a little bit. 'No one should ever have to eat Charlie's meals, it's pure agony.'

**Charlie had really been fairly nice about the whole thing. He seemed genuinely pleased that I was coming to live with him for the first time with any degree of permanence.**

'Well, of course he's pleased that you decided to move in with him. He is your father after all.' Esme explained.

**He'd already gotten me registered for high school**

'Oh, you're going to meet us!' Alice started bouncing up and down already excited.

**and was going to help me get a car.**

**But it was sure to be awkward with Charlie. Neither of us was what anyone would call verbose, and I didn't know what there was to say regardless. I knew he was more than a little confused by my decision — like my mother before me,**

'And like we are right now' Edward grinned at me, and I am sure my heart just missed a beat. Jasper was looking at me with one raised eyebrow. Well, he just gave me his famous smile, what is a girl supposed to do with that? Why is he so dam good looking anyway?

After glancing at the rest and seeing a few grins, I was sure that the other vampires had noticed my heartbeat as well. Edward didn't seem to have noticed, thank god.

**I hadn't made a secret of my distaste for Forks.**

**When I landed in Port Angeles, it was raining. I didn't see it as an omen — just unavoidable. I'd already said my goodbyes to the sun.**

'Aw' Emmett said, and the boys went along with him, laughing at my expense. So I did the mature thing - not - and stuck my tongue out, making the rest laugh.

**Charlie was waiting for me with the cruiser. This I was expecting, too. Charlie is Police Chief Swan to the good people of Forks. My primary motivation behind buying a car, despite the scarcity of my funds, was that I refused to be driven around town in a car with red and blue lights on top. **

'So would I' Rosalie said looking horrified at the idea.

**Nothing slows down traffic like a cop.**

At this both the Cullens and the Denali's laughed.

**Charlie gave me an awkward, one-armed hug when I stumbled my way off the plane.**

'As graceful as ever' I mumbled and the vampire sniggered.

"You're quite graceful now, so what changed?" Alice asked. "You one of the most graceful humans I've ever seen."

"Yes, it was one of the first things I noticed about you too." Carmen nodded.

"I…things changed." I tried to find a good explanation, but I couldn't. "You see, I met these vampires. They taught me quite a lot."

It was obvious that I was trying to avoid answering, but no one said anything about it.

**"It's good to see you, Bells," he said, smiling as he automatically caught and steadied me. "You haven't changed much. How's Renée?"**

**"Mom's fine. It's good to see you, too, Dad." I wasn't allowed to call him Charlie to his face.**

'Well, you shouldn't call him Charlie when he's not around either.' Esme told me.

I smiled a little smile, because I was actually having a hard time not calling her mom, but with Charlie and Renee it had been different. _I_ had been the most responsible one, but with Esme _she_ was the mother.

**I had only a few bags.**

'So you need a shopping trip' Alice beamed and I just rolled my eyes at her, and so did most of the other Cullens.

**Most of my Arizona clothes were too permeable for Washington. My mom and I had pooled our resources to supplement my winter wardrobe, but it was still scanty. It all fit easily into the trunk of the cruiser.**

**"I found a good car for you, really cheap," he announced when we were strapped in.**

**"What kind of car?" I was suspicious of the way he said "good car **_**for you" **_**as opposed to just "good car."**

**"Well, it's a truck actually, a Chevy." **

'So Charlie actually bought you the same car like the last time' Edward said, amused.

"Too bad it's still horrible." Rosalie had disapproving look on her face as she said this.

"I know. It's the first thing I noticed when saw it the other day" I said, nodding.

"Well, it seems like her taste in cars has also approved." Emmett pointed out.

"Well, see I met these couple of vampires…" I began again, and the vampires sniggered.

**"Where did you find it?"**

**"Do you remember Billy Black down at La Push?" **

The Cullens frowned.

**La Push is the tiny Indian reservation on the coast. **

**"No."**

**"He used to go fishing with us during the summer," Charlie prompted.**

**That would explain why I didn't remember him. I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.**

The vampires sniggered.

**"He's in a wheelchair now," Charlie continued when I didn't respond, "so he can't drive anymore, and he offered to sell me his truck cheap."**

**"What year is it?" I could see from his change of expression that this was the question he was hoping I wouldn't ask.**

'You're really good at reading people' Carlisle stated.

'Yeah, and she doesn't even cheat like Edward does.' Emmett said, elbowing Edward.

**"Well, Billy's done a lot of work on the engine — it's only a few years old, really."**

'Trying to save some time I see' Jasper laughed.

**I hoped he didn't think so little of me as to believe I would give up that easily.**

'And you're stubborn too, huh.' Edward commented. Once again I tried to hide my smile from everyone. Don't even get me started about what his voice did to me. Jasper was probably confused as hell.

**"When did he buy it?"**

**"He bought it in 1984, I think."**

**"Did he buy it new?"**

**"Well, no. I think it was new in the early sixties — or late fifties at the earliest," he admitted sheepishly.**

'Ugh, you should have donated it to a museum instead of driving it.' Rosalie was not even trying to hide her hatred towards my car at all.

**"Ch — Dad, I don't really know anything about cars. I wouldn't be able to fix it if anything went wrong, and I couldn't afford a mechanic…"**

'I do' Emmett said and grinned at Rosalie.

**"Really, Bella, the thing runs great. They don't build them like that anymore."**

'Of course they don't!' Rosalie said 'That's because no one would buy that piece of junk'

'Hey, Bella are you going to let her talk bad about your car?' Kate asked.

'I would have been offended a long time ago, but I actually kind of agreed with her now.'

Rosalie smirked 'Thank god.'

_**The thing**_**, I thought to myself… it had possibilities — as a nickname, at the very least.**

'I totally agree with you' Rosalie said, shocking me and the rest of the Cullens as well as it seems. She had actually said something nice to me.

**"How cheap is cheap?" After all, that was the part I couldn't compromise on.**

**"Well, honey, I kind of already bought it for you. As a homecoming gift." Charlie peeked sideways at me with a hopeful expression.**

'Aww, that's so sweet' The girls said.

**Wow. Free.**

Emmett sniggered. 'oh of course. It's free, well that changes everything'

**"You didn't need to do that, Dad. I was going to buy myself a car."**

**"I don't mind. I want you to be happy here." **

Once again the girls Aww-ed.

**He was looking ahead at the road when he said this. Charlie wasn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud. I inherited that from him. **

'Well that changed quickly' I murmured.

'Ooh, are you talking about a certain event?' Alice asked me 'or should I say certain _someone?_'

'Oh, is Bella going to get some?' Emmett asked wiggling his eyebrows at me.

I rolled my eyes and looked at Esme so she would read further.

**So I was looking straight ahead as I responded.**

**"That's really nice, Dad. Thanks. I really appreciate it." No need to add that my being happy in Forks is an impossibility. He didn't need to suffer along with me. **

'You're really selfless' Edward smiled at me.

I ducked my head, because I was sure I was turning five different shades of red. After being with him for so long, he could still make me blush just by smiling at me.

**And I never looked a free truck in the mouth — or engine.**

**"Well, now, you're welcome," he mumbled, embarrassed by my thanks.**

**We exchanged a few more comments on the weather, which was wet, and that was pretty much it for Conversation. We stared out the windows in silence.**

**It was beautiful, of course; I couldn't deny that. Everything was green: the trees, their trunks covered with moss, their branches hanging with a canopy of it, the ground covered with ferns. Even the air filtered down greenly through the leaves.**

**It was too green — an alien planet.**

Emmett sniggered.

**Eventually we made it to Charlie's. He still lived in the small, two-bedroom house that he'd bought with my mother in the early days of their marriage. Those were the only kind of days their marriage had — the early ones. There, parked on the street in front of the house that never changed, was my new — well, new to me — truck. It was a faded red color, with big, rounded fenders and a bulbous cab. **

'Iew. People call that a car?' Rosalie frowned.

**To my intense surprise, I loved it.**

'You did what?' She asked me, looking at me as if I had two heads.

'I know Rose' I signed. 'Let's say I've improved my taste in cars over the past years'

'Years?' Carlisle asked. 'We've known you for years? Or we knew? Well, you know what I mean.'

Great.

'Uh, I was not supposed to say that, but yes, I've known you for years.' I sighed.

'So that's the reason why you're so close you us.' Jasper mumbled. 'I can feel it, you know. The love you feel for our family.'

The vampires looked interested in what he had said.

'What do you mean?' Tanya asked him.

'Esme for instant. You love her like a mother. With Alice she's a best friend and sister for you.'

The Cullens were looking at me with interest.

'You love Emmett and me like we're your brothers. There's also something about me, but I'm not sure what it is.'

'Friendship and understanding.' I whispered.

He nodded, probably recognizing the feeling now.

'With Rosalie it's a lot like with Alice, but a little bit different. There's something deep in that feeling. I think it's thankfulness, but that doesn't sound important enough to describe the feeling.'

'I owe Rosalie something worth more than my life.' I closed my eyes as I said this, but knew that the vampires were probably looking very surprised.

'And the Denali's are like family to you too. You respect and love them. With Irina…' he stopped and frowned, looking confused. 'I don't know. There's something there, but I'm not sure what it is.'

I swallowed and looked away. I could hardly say that I felt sorry for her and disliked her at the same time. I didn't really hate her, I just didn't like her. I didn't have a bond with her like I had with the rest.

'We should start reading again.' I said trying to change the subject before he started talking about Edward. Jasper seemed to know what I was thinking and nodded.

**I didn't know if it would run,**

'Uhm, isn't that what a car is supposed to do?' Emmett laughed.

**but I could see myself in it. Plus, it was one of those solid iron affairs that never gets damaged — the kind you see at the scene of an accident, paint unscratched, surrounded by the pieces of the foreign car it had destroyed. **

'Wow, solid iron affairs! It must be a really great car' Kate said sarcastically. **  
"Wow, Dad, I love it! Thanks!" Now my horrific day tomorrow would be just that much less dreadful. I wouldn't be faced with the choice of either walking two miles in the rain to school or accepting a ride in the Chief's cruiser.**

**"I'm glad you like it," Charlie said gruffly, embarrassed again.**

**It took only one trip to get all my stuff upstairs. I got the west bedroom that faced out over the front yard.**

**The room was familiar; it had been belonged to me since I was born. The wooden floor, the light blue walls, the peaked ceiling, the yellowed lace curtains around the window — these were all a part of my childhood. The only changes Charlie had ever made were switching the crib for a bed and adding a desk as I grew. The desk now held a secondhand computer, with the phone line for the modem stapled along the floor to the nearest phone jack. This was a stipulation from my mother, so that we could stay in touch easily. The rocking chair from my baby days was still in the corner.**

**There was only one small bathroom at the top of the stairs, which I would have to share with Charlie.**

**I was trying not to dwell too much on that fact.**

'Oh, that must be awful' both Alice and Tanya said at the same time. Kate and Rosalie nodded, agreeing with them.

**One of the best things about Charlie is he doesn't hover. He left me alone to unpack and get settled, a feat that would have been altogether impossible for my mother. It was nice to be alone, not to have to smile and look pleased; a relief to stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain and let just a few tears escape.**

'Oh, sweetie' Esme said looking concerned.

'It's ok Esme' I tried to assure her 'I really like living in Forks now.'

**I wasn't in the mood to go on a real crying jag. I would save that for bedtime, when I would have to think about the coming morning.**

Esme was looking a little bit sad, but I tried to cheer her up by giving her a big smile.

**Forks High School had a frightening total of only three hundred and fifty-seven — now fifty-eight — students; there were more than seven hundred people in my junior class alone back home. All of the kids here had grown up together — their grandparents had been toddlers together.**

'Well not all of them. We're new' Jasper pointed out to me. I was happy that he was loosening up a bit. He had been very tense at first, but he was relaxing a little bit now. Edward on the other hand tried to sit as still as possible, probably afraid of doing anything wrong. But I was glad that he was at least trying.

**I would be the new girl from the big city, a curiosity, a freak.**

'Not next to us you won't' Emmett said.

'And believe me, they're all really…_excited_…to meet you' Edward frowned. I don't even want to know what he had read from their minds, but from the look on his face, it probably wasn't really good.

**Maybe, if I looked like a girl from Phoenix should, I could work this to my advantage. But physically, I'd never fit in anywhere.**

'You do kind of look like us' Emmett offered.

To my surprise the rest nodded as well.

'That's true. Your almost as pale as…well…we are' Tanya said.

**I **_**should **_**be tan, sporty, blond **

'In other words: Rosalie, except for the tan' Alice offered.

— **a volleyball player, or a cheerleader, perhaps — all the things that go with living in the valley of the sun.**

**Instead, I was ivory-skinned, without even the excuse of blue eyes or red hair, despite the constant sunshine. I had always been slender, but soft somehow, obviously not an athlete; I didn't have the necessary hand-eye coordination to play sports without humiliating myself — and harming both myself and anyone else who stood too close.**

Everyone laughed at this one, even Esme and Carmen who tried to keep a straight face, were laughing their heads off.

'Oh, so your clumsy huh' Emmett said.

I grinned at him. My balance may have been off in the past, but after the coma I haven't really had any clumsy experiences. I guess that was because I had already felt what it's like to be a vampire. I knew how easy balance could be and automatically used that knowledge so I could walk without falling down every few minutes.

'Well, actually I'm not anymore'

Emmett's smile disappeared when I said this, but returned a second later.

'Than I guess I'll just have to laugh about the times you'll fall in those books'

**When I finished putting my clothes in the old pine dresser, I took my bag of bathroom necessities and went to the communal bathroom to clean myself up after the day of travel. I looked at my face in the mirror as I brushed through my tangled, damp hair. Maybe it was the light, but already I looked sallower, unhealthy. **

'No you don't you' Edward frowned. My head snapped towards his and I was doing a happy dance in my mind.

Jasper was grinning at me like an idiot, but Edward didn't seem to notice. I signaled Jasper with my please-don't-think-about-it-eyes and he seemed to get it, because he nodded at me. The rest had noticed out little exchange, but didn't seem to know what it was about.

**My skin could be pretty — it was very clear, almost translucent-looking — but it all depended on color. I had no color here.**

**Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself. It wasn't just physically that I'd never fit in. And if I couldn't find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here?**

'Yeah but I bet you've never had any other vampires in your old school with whom you could hang out' Emmett matter-of-factly.

**I didn't relate well to people my age. **

'We're not your age' Emmett added.

**Maybe the truth was that I didn't relate well to people, period. **

'And we're not people. We're vampires' Jasper grinned. 'so I guess you found the right crowd to hang around with at the end'

**Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs.**

'We'll be glad it's that way. You have no idea what stupid things most people are thinking' Edward grumbled.

**Maybe there was a glitch in my brain. **

And as I expected some of the guys laughed.

**But the cause didn't matter. All that mattered was the effect. And tomorrow would be just the beginning. I didn't sleep well that night, even after I was done crying.**

'Oh, Bella. I'm sure it won't be that bad' Carmen told me.

**The constant **_**whooshing **_**of the rain and wind across the roof wouldn't fade into the background. I pulled the faded old quilt over my head, and later added the pillow, too. But I couldn't fall asleep until after midnight, when the rain finally settled into a quieter drizzle.**

**Thick fog was all I could see out my window in the morning, and I could feel the claustrophobia creeping up on me. You could never see the sky here; it was like a cage.**

**Breakfast with Charlie was a quiet event. He wished me good luck at school. I thanked him, knowing his hope was wasted. Good luck tended to avoid me. **

'Really? So you're not only clumsy, as Emmett put it, but your also unlucky?' Jasper asked me.

'Yes, you can put it like that, but it a little bit more than that. It's not that I don't have any luck, because I do have a lot of luck. It's just that I more of a danger-magnet. Someone once told me that if there is anything dangerous in my present it tends to find me.' I frowned at the last part, remembering the preference and all the other things they were going to read in the next books. How will they react?

**Charlie left first, off to the police station that was his wife and family.**

'And you're what? The neighbor?' Carmen joked and Esme frowned at the book. I'm sure she was thinking of all the things she's like to tell Charlie to do better.

**After he left, I sat at the old square oak table in one of the three unmatching chairs and examined his small kitchen, with its dark paneled walls, bright yellow cabinets, and white linoleum floor. Nothing was changed. My mother had painted the cabinets eighteen years ago in an attempt to bring some sunshine into the house. Over the small fireplace in the adjoining handkerchief-sized family room was a row of pictures. First a wedding picture of Charlie and my mom in Las Vegas, then one of the three of us in the hospital after I was born, taken by a helpful nurse, followed by the procession of my school pictures up to last year's.**

'Aaw. I'd love to see them' Esme smiled.

'So would we.' Carmen agreed.

**Those were embarrassing to look at**

'I guess that's a no' Jasper sniggered.

'I'm not sure. It's hard to say no to Esme' Edward added and I nodded in agreement.

— **I would have to see what I could do to get Charlie to put them somewhere else, at least while I was living here. It was impossible, being in this house, not to realize that Charlie had never gotten over my mom. It made me uncomfortable.**

**I didn't want to be too early to school, but I couldn't stay in the house anymore. I donned my jacket — which had the feel of a biohazard suit**

'Iew' Alice, Rosalie, Kate, Tanya and even Carmen said at once.

— **and headed out into the rain.**

**It was just drizzling still, not enough to soak me through immediately as I reached for the house key that was always hidden under the eaves by the door, and locked up. The sloshing of my new waterproof boots was unnerving. I missed the normal crunch of gravel as I walked. I couldn't pause and admire my truck again as I wanted;**

Rosalie looked at me shocked 'You wanted to admire it? Who would want to admire that piece of crap?'

'Rosalie' Esme warned her.

**I was in a hurry to get out of the misty wet that swirled around my head and clung to my hair under my hood.**

**Inside the truck, it was nice and dry. Either Billy or Charlie had obviously cleaned it up, but the tan**

**upholstered seats still smelled faintly of tobacco, gasoline, and peppermint. The engine started quickly, to my relief, but loudly, roaring to life and then idling at top volume. Well, a truck this old was bound to have a flaw. **

'I can detect more than one flaw' Rosalie and Edward muttered.

**The antique radio worked, a plus that I hadn't expected.**

'What else is the radio in a car supposed to do? And besides, that is not a plus, it just shows us once again how awful that car really is' Rosalie said looking disgusted. It was the same look she got when she smelled food.

**Finding the school wasn't difficult, though I'd never been there before. The school was, like most other things, just off the highway. It was not obvious that it was a school; only the sign, which declared it to be the Forks High School, made me stop. It looked like a collection of matching houses, built with maroon-colored bricks. There were so many trees and shrubs I couldn't see its size at first. Where was the feel of the institution? I wondered nostalgically. Where were the chain-link fences, the metal detectors?**

'The what? Why the hell would there be fences and metal detectors in a SCHOOL' Emmett asked. 'Even though that would make school less boring, so of course they don't have them.'

**I parked in front of the first building, which had a small sign over the door reading front office. No one else was parked there, so I was sure it was off limits, but I decided I would get directions inside instead of circling around in the rain like an idiot. I stepped unwillingly out of the toasty truck cab and walked down a little stone path lined with dark hedges. I took a deep breath before opening the door.**

**Inside, it was brightly lit, and warmer than I'd hoped. The office was small; a little waiting area with padded folding chairs, orange-flecked commercial carpet, notices and awards cluttering the walls, a big clock ticking loudly. Plants grew everywhere in large plastic pots, as if there wasn't enough greenery outside. The room was cut in half by a long counter, cluttered with wire baskets full of papers and brightly colored flyers taped to its front. There were three desks behind the counter, one of which was manned by a large, red-haired woman wearing glasses. She was wearing a purple t-shirt, which immediately made me feel overdressed.**

**The red-haired woman looked up. "Can I help you?"**

**"I'm Isabella Swan," I informed her, and saw the immediate awareness light her eyes.**

'Well of course she would know who you are.' Edward said and continued to explain when he saw the Denali's confused look. 'It's just that Forks doesn't get a lot of new people, so everyone can't wait for Bella's arrival. She the only thing every guy at our school seems to be able to think about.' He snickered at the last part when he saw me blush.

**I was expected, a topic of gossip no doubt.**

'Duh' Emmett said.

**Daughter of the Chief's flighty ex-wife, come home at last.**

I glanced at Edward. I didn't have to ask because he answered before I could. "Yup, that's about right. At least that's what the mothers are thinking. The daughters are curious and all the boys just can't wait to see the new girl."

"Great." I mumbled.

**"Of course," she said. She dug through a precariously stacked pile of documents on her desk till she found the ones she was looking for. "I have your schedule right here, and a map of the school." She brought several sheets to the counter to show roe.**

**She went through my classes for me, highlighting the best route to each on the map, and gave me a slip to have each teacher sign, which I was to bring back at the end of the day. She smiled at me and hoped, like Charlie, that I would like it here in Forks. I smiled back as convincingly as I could.**

**When I went back out to my truck, other students were starting to arrive. I drove around the school, following the line of traffic. I was glad to see that most of the cars were older like mine, nothing flashy. At home I'd lived in one of the few lower-income neighborhoods that were included in the Paradise Valley District. It was a common thing to see a new Mercedes or Porsche in the student lot. The nicest car here was a shiny Volvo,**

'Of course, it is my car after all' Edward said with a grin. I rolled my eyes at him, but had to smile too. Edward had always been proud of his Volvo.

**and it stood out. Still, I cut the engine as soon as I was in a spot, so that the thunderous volume wouldn't draw attention to me.**

**I looked at the map in the truck, trying to memorize it now; hopefully I wouldn't have to walk around with it stuck in front of my nose all day. I stuffed everything in my bag, slung the strap over my shoulder, and sucked in a huge breath. I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me. **

All the vampires in the room started laughing as Esme read the last line.

I chuckled too, because even I could see the irony.

'If only I knew' I mumbled, which caught all the vampires attention. They looked thoughtful at my words, but apparently decided not to ask anything.

**I finally exhaled and stepped out of the truck.**

**I kept my face pulled back into my hood as I walked to the sidewalk, crowded with teenagers. My plain black jacket didn't stand out, I noticed with relief.**

**Once I got around the cafeteria, building three was easy to spot. A large black "3" was painted on a white square on the east corner. I felt my breathing gradually creeping toward hyperventilation as I approached the door. I tried holding my breath as I followed two unisex raincoats through the door.**

**The classroom was small.**

'What did you expect?' Alice asked. 'Everything in Forks is small.'

**The people in front of me stopped just inside the door to hang up their coats on a long row of hooks. I copied them. They were two girls, one a porcelain-colored blonde, the other also pale, with light brown hair. At least my skin wouldn't be a standout here.**

**I took the slip up to the teacher, a tall, balding man whose desk had a nameplate identifying him as Mr. Mason. He gawked at me when he saw my name — not an encouraging response — and of course I flushed tomato red.**

Emmett chuckled. 'Do you actually blush all the time?'

I did the mature thing and stuck my tong out, which earned me a few chuckles from the vampires.

**But at least he sent me to an empty desk at the back without introducing me to the class. It was harder for my new classmates to stare at me in the back, but somehow, they managed. **

'Why does that not surprise me?' Rosalie said.

'Because they manage to look at you all the time even when you are sitting in the back' Emmett answered seriously, as if he had just said the smartest thing in the world.

Rosalie smacked him on the head and muttered 'Idiot'

'At least you love this idiot' Emmett said, smirking at her.

'I sure do' Rosalie chuckled and kissed him.

**I kept my eyes down on the reading list the teacher had given me. It was fairly basic: Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer, Faulkner. I'd already read everything.**

Edward raised his eyebrows. 'You have?' and I simply nodded.

**That was comforting… and boring. **

'I know what you mean.' Edward agreed and I smiled inwardly.

**I wondered if my mom would send me my folder of old essays, or if she would think that was cheating. **

'Why? We do what all the time. It's not like someone else made it. You still wrote that essay, so why would it matter?' Jasper pointed out.

**I went through different arguments with her in my head while the teacher droned on.  
When the bell rang, a nasal buzzing sound, a gangly boy with skin problems and hair black as an oil slick leaned across the aisle to talk to me.**

'Erik?' Alice guessed.

'Yes, he does sound like Erik.' Edward nodded. **  
"You're Isabella Swan, aren't you?" He looked like the overly helpful, chess club type.**

'Yup, definitely Erik.' Alice chuckled.

**"Bella," I corrected. Everyone within a three-seat radius turned to look at me.**

**"Where's your next class?" he asked.**

**I had to check in my bag. "Um, Government, with Jefferson, in building six."**

**There was nowhere to look without meeting curious eyes.**

**"I'm headed toward building four, I could show you the way…" Definitely over-helpful.**

The vampires sniggered.

**"I'm Eric," he added.**

**I smiled tentatively. "Thanks."**

**We got our jackets and headed out into the rain, which had picked up. I could have sworn several**

**people behind us were walking close enough to eavesdrop. I hoped I wasn't getting paranoid.**

'I'm sure they were eavesdropping.' Alice said.

**"So, this is a lot different than Phoenix, huh?" he asked.**

**"Very."**

**"It doesn't rain much there, does it?"**

**"Three or four times a year."**

**"Wow, what must that be like?" he wondered.**

'What a stupid question is that?' Tanya raised an eyebrow.

**"Sunny," I told him.**

**"You don't look very tan."**

**"My mother is part albino."**

**He studied my face apprehensively,**

'He thought you were serious? How dumb is this kid?' Kate asked.

**and I sighed. It looked like clouds and a sense of humor didn't mix.**

'Well, that wasn't really funny, so you can't blame him for not getting the joke.' Emmett chuckled at my expense.

**A few months of this and I'd forget how to use sarcasm.**

"Don't worry." Emmett said in a serious tone. "We won't let you forget."

"Thanks Emmett, that means a lot." I said, pretending to wipe away a tear, earning a smile from them.

**We walked back around the cafeteria, to the south buildings by the gym. Eric walked me right to the door, though it was clearly marked.**

**"Well, good luck," he said as I touched the handle. "Maybe we'll have some other classes together." He sounded hopeful.**

**I smiled at him vaguely and went inside.**

**The rest of the morning passed in about the same fashion. My Trigonometry teacher, Mr. Varner, who I would have hated anyway just because of the subject he taught, was the only one who made me stand in front of the class and introduce myself. I stammered, blushed, and tripped over my own boots on the way to my seat.**

Emmett laughed and Esme shot him a disapproving look.

**After two classes, I started to recognize several of the faces in each class. There was always someone braver than the others who would introduce themselves and ask me questions about how I was liking Forks. I tried to be diplomatic, but mostly I just lied a lot. At least I never needed the map.**

**One girl sat next to me in both Trig and Spanish, and she walked with me to the cafeteria for lunch. She was tiny, several inches shorter than my five feet four inches, but her wildly curly dark hair made up a lot of the difference between our heights.**

'Jessica.' Edward said and Alice nodded.

**I couldn't remember her name, so I smiled and nodded as she prattled about teachers and classes. I didn't try to keep up.**

**We sat at the end of a full table with several of her friends, who she introduced to me. I forgot all their names as soon as she spoke them. They seemed impressed by her bravery in speaking to me. The boy from English, Eric, waved at me from across the room.**

**It was there, sitting in the lunchroom, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw them.**

'Here we come.' Alice sang.

**They were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from where I sat as possible in the long room.**

**There were five of them. They weren't talking, and they weren't eating, though they each had a tray of untouched food in front of them. **

Carlisle frowned.

**They weren't gawking at me, unlike most of the other students, so it was safe to stare at them without fear of meeting an excessively interested pair of eyes. But it was none of these things that caught, and held, my attention.**

'Of course not.' Emmett sniggered. 'We were also devastatingly handsome.'

Even though I rolled my eyes I also blushed a bit, because that is exactly what I had been thinking.

**They didn't look anything alike. Of the three boys, one was big — muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, curly hair. **

'That's me.' Emmett shouted out.

'Oh, really?' Kate asked, acting surprised. 'I thought she was talking about Jasper, that with the dark, curly hair and all.' **Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond. **

'Honey blond, huh.' Alice grinned at Jasper, while she snuggled closer to him.

**The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy, bronze-colored hair. **

'Lanky and less bulky.' Emmett sniggered at the description.

**He was more boyish than the others,**

'Boyish.' Emmett once again sniggered and a few vampires joined him, whereas Edward just rolled his eyes.

**who looked like they could be in college, or even teachers here rather than students.**

**The girls were opposites. The tall one was statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the **_**Sports Illustrated **_**swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take a hit on her self-esteem just by being in the same room. Her hair was golden, gently waving to the middle of her back.**

Rosalie looked very pleased with her description and even smiled at Bella.

**The short girl was pixielike, **

'Hey!' Alice protested.

**thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and pointing in every direction.**

**And yet, they were all exactly alike. Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. **

'You noticed their eyes from that far?' Carlisle sounded surprised.

**They also had dark shadows under those eyes — purplish, bruiselike shadows. As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose. Though their noses, all their features, were straight, perfect, angular.**

'Wow, you're very perceptive.' Jasper sounded impressed and worried at the same time.

**But all this is not why I couldn't look away.**

**I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful.**

"Told you." Emmett sang.

**They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel. It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful**

'Rosalie.' Emmett said matter-of-factly.

— **maybe the perfect blond girl, **

Rosalie smiled as Emmett gave her a look I would have rather no seen.

**or the bronze-haired boy.**

'Ooh, Bella thinks Eddy boy is beautiful.' Emmett sang, wiggling his eyebrows at me in a suggestive way.

**They were all looking away — away from each other, away from the other students, away from anything in particular as far as I could tell. As I watched, the small girl rose with her tray — unopened soda, unbitten apple — and walked away with a quick, graceful lope that belonged on a runway. I watched, amazed at her lithe dancer's step, till she dumped her tray and glided through the back door, faster than I would have thought possible. **

"Do you have to notice everything?" Jasper groaned. "It makes our secret sound so obvious."

I shrugged. "No one else has ever guessed, so you must be good at hiding it. I can't help that I notice things like that."

"She's right. Other humans wouldn't notice things like that. They're mostly so busy with their own lives, their own dreams and problems, that they don't really look. Bella just takes the time to really observe people." Edward explained. "It's probably because she's such a calm person."

I sniggered. "I'm a calm person? I'm sitting here, reading a book with vampires."

They all chuckled.

"Well, it's just that you're very mature for you age. Hell you're more mature than people twice your age." Edward said and I couldn't look away as he was looking into my eyes. He looked like he was trying to read me. I probably looked like I wanted to jump him. I snapped out of it at that thought. I should try to not be that obvious.

**My eyes darted back to the others, who sat unchanging. **

**"Who are **_**they**_**?" I asked the girl from my Spanish class, whose name I'd forgotten.**

**As she looked up to see who I meant — though already knowing, probably, from my tone — suddenly he looked at her, the thinner one, the boyish one, the youngest, perhaps. He looked at my neighbor for just a fraction of a second, and then his dark eyes flickered to mine.**

**He looked away quickly, more quickly than I could, though in a flush of embarrassment I dropped my eyes at once. In that brief flash of a glance, his face held nothing of interest — it was as if she had called his name, and he'd looked up in involuntary response, already having decided not to answer.**

Edward shook his head. 'I can't believe you noticed all these things. No wonder you know about us.'

**My neighbor giggled in embarrassment, looking at the table like I did.**

**"That's Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen; they all live together with Dr. Cullen and his wife." She said this under her breath.**

**I glanced sideways at the beautiful boy, who was looking at his tray now, picking a bagel to pieces with long, pale fingers. His mouth was moving very quickly, his perfect lips barely opening. The other three still looked away, and yet I felt he was speaking quietly to them.**

Edward and Carlisle exchanged a look.

**Strange, unpopular names, I thought. The kinds of names grandparents had. But maybe that was in vogue here — small town names? I finally remembered that my neighbor was called Jessica, a perfectly common name. There were two girls named Jessica in my History class back home.**

**"They are… very nice-looking." I struggled with the conspicuous understatement.**

**"Yes!" Jessica agreed with another giggle. "They're all **_**together **_**though — Emmett and Rosalie, and**

**Jasper and Alice, I mean. And they **_**live **_**together." Her voice held all the shock and condemnation of the small town, I thought critically. But, if I was being honest, I had to admit that even in Phoenix, it would cause gossip.**

**"Which ones are the Cullens?" I asked. "They don't look related…"**

**"Oh, they're not. Dr. Cullen is really young, in his twenties or early thirties. They're all adopted. The**

**Hales **_**are **_**brother and sister, twins — the blondes — and they're foster children."**

**"They look a little old for foster children."**

**"They are now, Jasper and Rosalie are both eighteen, but they've been with Mrs. Cullen since they were eight. She's their aunt or something like that."**

**"That's really kind of nice — for them to take care of all those kids like that, when they're so young and everything."**

**"I guess so," Jessica admitted reluctantly, and I got the impression that she didn't like the doctor and his wife for some reason. **

'She's just jealous, because she had a bit of a thing for Edward here.' Jasper sniggered and Edward cringed.

**With the glances she was throwing at their adopted children, I would presume the reason was jealousy. "I think that Mrs. Cullen can't have any kids, though," she added, as if that lessened their kindness.**

Esme and Rosalie grimaced, but Esme smiled kindly at me.

**Throughout all this conversation, my eyes flickered again and again to the table where the strange family sat. They continued to look at the walls and not eat.**

**"Have they always lived in Forks?" I asked. Surely I would have noticed them on one of my summers here.**

**"No," she said in a voice that implied it should be obvious, even to a new arrival like me. "They just moved down two years ago from somewhere in Alaska."**

**I felt a surge of pity, and relief. Pity because, as beautiful as they were, they were outsiders, clearly not accepted. Relief that I wasn't the only newcomer here, and certainly not the most interesting by any standard.**

**As I examined them, the youngest, one of the Cullens, looked up and met my gaze, this time with evident curiosity in his expression. As I looked swiftly away, it seemed to me that his glance held some kind of unmet expectation.**

The vampires raised an eyebrow at Edward.

'It's probably because I can't read her mind.' Edward pointed out and the rest nodded.

**"Which one is the boy with the reddish brown hair?" I asked. **

Emmett once again wiggled his eyebrows at me and I just rolled my eyes at him.

**I peeked at him from the corner of my eye, and he was still staring at me, but not gawking like the other students had today — he had a slightly frustrated expression. I looked down again.**

**"That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him." **

Everybody chuckled.

'So, how many times did you turn her down?' Irina sniggered and Edward looked uncomfortably.

**She sniffed, a clear case of sour grapes. I wondered when he'd turned her down.**

**I bit my lip to hide my smile. Then I glanced at him again. His face was turned away, but I thought his cheek appeared lifted, as if he were smiling, too.**

**After a few more minutes, the four of them left the table together. They all were noticeably graceful — even the big, brawny one. It was unsettling to watch. The one named Edward didn't look at me again.**

'Aw. Is someone crushing on Eddy boy?' Emmett cooed and I just gave Rosalie a pleading look and she hit him on his head.

**I sat at the table with Jessica and her friends longer than I would have if I'd been sitting alone. I was anxious not to be late for class on my first day. One of my new acquaintances, who considerately reminded me that her name was Angela, **

'Well at least you know one person who is worth being friends with. Angela has such a kind mind.' Edward pointed out.

**had Biology II with me the next hour.**

'We're in the same Biology class. I'm not sure that's such a good idea. I'm sure that I have no idea what you smell like yet.' Edward groaned.

'And isn't the only open seat next to you.' Alice pointed out, with a worried look on her face.

**We walked to class together in silence. She was shy, too.**

**When we entered the classroom, Angela went to sit at a black-topped lab table exactly like the ones I was used to. She already had a neighbor. In fact, all the tables were filled but one. Next to the center aisle, I recognized Edward Cullen by his unusual hair, **

'What's wrong with my hair?' Edward asked indignantly and all the girls giggled. He didn't seem to know that Bella actually liked his hair.

'There's nothing wrong with your hair.' Bella smiled.

**sitting next to that single open seat. As I walked down the aisle to introduce myself to the teacher and get my slip signed, I was watching him surreptitiously. Just as I passed, he suddenly went rigid in his seat.**

'Oh, great. Here it comes.' Edward groaned.

**He stared at me again, meeting my eyes with the strangest expression on his face — it was hostile, furious. **

'Edward!.' Esme sounded shocked.

'It's ok Esme. I'm sure he didn't mean to.' I smiled sadly.

**I looked away quickly, shocked, going red again. I stumbled over a book in the walkway and had to catch myself on the edge of a table.**

'That's probably not helping.' Edward said in a strained voice.

**The girl sitting there giggled.**

**I'd noticed that his eyes were black — coal black.**

**Mr. Banner signed my slip and handed me a book with no nonsense about introductions. I could tell we were going to get along. Of course, he had no choice but to send me to the one open seat in the middle of the room. I kept my eyes down as I went to sit by **_**him**_**, bewildered by the antagonistic stare he'd given me.**

**I didn't look up as I set my book on the table and took my seat, but I saw his posture change from the corner of my eye. He was leaning away from me, sitting on the extreme edge of his chair and averting his face like he smelled something bad. **

'That is very rude, Edward.' Esme said disapprovingly.

'I'm sure I'm trying to keep her alive, so being rude isn't the worst of my problems right now.'

Esme looked very worried, but went on with reading.

**Inconspicuously, I sniffed my hair.**

The vampires chuckled, even Edward let out a strangled laugh.

**It smelled like strawberries, the scent of my favorite shampoo. It seemed an innocent enough odor. I let my hair fall over my right shoulder, making a dark curtain between us,**

'That probably wasn't the best idea.' Jasper pointed out.

**and tried to pay attention to the teacher.  
Unfortunately the lecture was on cellular anatomy, something I'd already studied. I took notes carefully anyway, always looking down.**

**I couldn't stop myself from peeking occasionally through the screen of my hair at the strange boy next to me. During the whole class, he never relaxed his stiff position on the edge of his chair, sitting as far from me as possible. I could see his hand on his left leg was clenched into a fist, tendons standing out under his pale skin. This, too, he never relaxed. He had the long sleeves of his white shirt pushed up to his elbows, and his forearm was surprisingly hard and muscular beneath his light skin. He wasn't nearly as slight as he'd looked next to his burly brother.**

Emmett had the sense not to say anything, but smirked anyway.

**The class seemed to drag on longer than the others. Was it because the day was finally coming to a close, or because I was waiting for his tight fist to loosen? It never did; he continued to sit so still it looked like he wasn't breathing. What was wrong with him? Was this his normal behavior?**

'Nope.' Alice said.

**I questioned my judgment on Jessica's bitterness at lunch today. Maybe she was not as resentful as I'd thought.**

**It couldn't have anything to do with me. He didn't know me from Eve.**

'Who's Eve?' Emmett asked, but we ignored him.

**I peeked up at him one more time, and regretted it. He was glaring down at me again, his black eyes full of revulsion. **

'I'm sorry.' Edward said, looking quite ashamed.

'It's ok. It's not your fault.' I said as I gave him a smile.

**As I flinched away from him, shrinking against my chair, the phrase **_**if looks could kill **_**suddenly ran through my mind.**

**At that moment, the bell rang loudly, making me jump, and Edward Cullen was out of his seat. Fluidly he rose — he was much taller than I'd thought — his back to me, and he was out the door before anyone else was out of their seat.**

**I sat frozen in my seat, staring blankly after him. He was so mean.**

'Aw, honey.' Esme smiled sweetly at me. 'He didn't mean to.'

'I know that now, Esme.' I said, smiling back.

**It wasn't fair. I began gathering up my things slowly, trying to block the anger that filled me, for fear my eyes would tear up. For some reason, my temper was hardwired to my tear ducts. I usually cried when I was angry, a humiliating tendency. **

**"Aren't you Isabella Swan?" a male voice asked.**

**I looked up to see a cute, baby-faced boy, his pale blond hair carefully gelled into orderly spikes, smiling at me in a friendly way.**

'Ugh, Mike.' Rosalie looked disgusted. 'Did you just say he's cute?'

'Mike is ok.' I defended. 'When he's not being annoying, that is.'

**He obviously didn't think I smelled bad.**

That seemed to lighten the mood as some of the vampires chuckled.

'None of us thinks you smell bad, Bella. That's the main problem.' Alice sniggered. 'You smell way better than most humans.'

'Jeez Alice, that makes me feel so much better.' I rolled my eyes as Alice gave me a sheepish grin.

**"Bella," I corrected him, with a smile.**

**"I'm Mike."**

**"Hi, Mike."**

**"Do you need any help finding your next class?"**

**"I'm headed to the gym, actually. I think I can find it."**

**"That's my next class, too." He seemed thrilled, though it wasn't that big of a coincidence in a school this small.**

**We walked to class together; he was a chatterer — he supplied most of the conversation, which made it easy for me. He'd lived in California till he was ten, so he knew how I felt about the sun. It turned out he was in my English class also. He was the nicest person I'd met today.**

**But as we were entering the gym, he asked, "So, did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? I've never seen him act like that."**

Emmett and Jasper chuckled and so did Irina, Kate and Tanya.

**I cringed. So I wasn't the only one who had noticed. And, apparently, that **_**wasn't **_**Edward Cullen's usual behavior. I decided to play dumb.**

**"Was that the boy I sat next to in Biology?" I asked artlessly.**

**"Yes," he said. "He looked like he was in pain or something."**

**"I don't know," I responded. "I never spoke to him."**

**"He's a weird guy." Mike lingered by me instead of heading to the dressing room. "If I were lucky enough to sit by you, I would have talked to you."**

**I smiled at him before walking through the girls' locker room door. He was friendly and clearly admiring.**

'A bit too friendly and admiring.' Bell mumbled and the vampires chuckled.

**But it wasn't enough to ease my irritation.**

'Give it a few days and the friendliness and admiring will be the cause of my irritation.'

**The Gym teacher, Coach Clapp, found me a uniform but didn't make me dress down for today's class.  
At home, only two years of RE. were required. Here, P.E. was mandatory all four years. Forks was**

**literally my personal hell on Earth.**

The vampires chuckled.

**I watched four volleyball games running simultaneously. Remembering how many injuries I had sustained — and inflicted — playing volleyball, I felt faintly nauseated.**

"Oh Bella, you are going to be so entertaining!" Emmett beamed at me. "I can already see how fun our future is going to be."

I rolled my eyes, but smiled at the same time. I felt like Emmett was really accepting me. He wanted me to stay at least.

**The final bell rang at last. I walked slowly to the office to return my paperwork. The rain had drifted away, but the wind was strong, and colder. I wrapped my arms around myself.**

**When I walked into the warm office, I almost turned around and walked back out.**

"Why?" Esme asked.

"Probably has something to do with me." Edward mumbled.

**Edward Cullen stood at the desk in front of me. I recognized again that tousled bronze hair. **

"Why do you keep mentioning my hair? It's not that weird." He asked.

I laughed at his tone. "Like I said before, there's nothing wrong with your hair. I actually quite like it, it's just unusual. I couldn't do anything but notice it."

**He didn't appear to notice the sound of my entrance. I stood pressed against the back wall, waiting for the receptionist to be free.**

**He was arguing with her in a low, attractive voice.**

Emmett and Jasper sniggered and Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at me.

**I quickly picked up the gist of the argument. He was trying to trade from sixth-hour Biology to another time — any other time.**

"Oh, Edward. Try to be nicer to the poor girl." Esme said in a disapproving tone.

"I know mom." Edward mumbled, looking at his feet. The rest of the vampires grinned.

**I just couldn't believe that this was about me. It had to be something else, something that happened before I entered the Biology room. The look on his face must have been about another aggravation entirely. It was impossible that this stranger could take such a sudden, intense dislike to me. The door opened again, and the cold wind suddenly gusted through the room,**

Edward groaned, probably thinking about my scent.

**rustling the papers on the desk, swirling my hair around my face. The girl who came in merely stepped to the desk, placed a note in the wire basket, and walked out again. But Edward Cullen's back stiffened, and he turned slowly to glare at me — his face was absurdly handsome — **

"We get it Bells. You think Eddy boy here is pwetty. You can stop mentioning it now." Emmett laughed and a few of the others joined in. Rosalie and Kate rolled their eyes at them.

I just glared at Emmett, while my face turned all shades of red.

**with piercing, hate-filled eyes. For an instant, I felt a thrill of genuine fear, raising the hair on my arms. The look only lasted a second, but it chilled me more than the freezing wind. He turned back to the receptionist.**

**"Never mind, then," he said hastily in a voice like velvet. "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help." And he turned on his heel without another look at me, and disappeared out the door.**

**I went meekly to the desk, my face white for once instead of red, and handed her the signed slip.**

"I can't believe you're still talking to me after I the way I treated you. How did you even become friends with us after all of that?" Edward asked, looking ashamed and confused at the same time.

I shrugged. "I just couldn't stay away I guess." I said. My words could mean two things and I realized that as soon as I had said them. Couldn't I stay away from them, or Edwards?

**"How did your first day go, dear?" the receptionist asked maternally.**

"Peachy." Jasper sniggered.

**"Fine," I lied, my voice weak. She didn't look convinced.**

"Yeah, well I bet you're a horrible liar." Alice said and I shrugged.

**When I got to the truck, it was almost the last car in the lot. It seemed like a haven, already the closest thing to home I had in this damp green hole. **

"Aw, sweetie." Esme said.

I** sat inside for a while, just staring out the windshield blankly. But soon I was cold enough to need the heater, so I turned the key and the engine roared to life.**

**I headed back to Charlie's house, fighting tears the whole way there.  
**"I'm sure everything is going to be ok." Esme smiled at me.  
"It will." I said, thinking about all the wonderful memories I had of them. "It's going to be great actually, if it happens like it's supposed to."

My smile faded as I thought about how all of this was going to end. I was either going to be happy again, or I was going to get fate worse than death. And it all depended on one person in this room.

His choices were going to influence my future more than anything else. Even fate wouldn't be able to fix this if he made the wrong choice. I was just hoping that my baby girl would at least get the future and family she deserved.

Only time would tell.

* * *

**I hope you liked it. Sorry for not updating for such a long time. I can't believe how fast time passes. **

**You can review me and let me know what you think of it. **


End file.
